Tumble and Fall
by e-dog
Summary: For when she's this vulnerable and this open, I see her for who she really is and I sympathize. I sympathize and hate myself for liking her as much as I do. Sam/Vala friendship; eventual Sam/Vala; spoilers for all of season 10
1. Flesh and Blood

Disclaimer: Not mine. The awesome individuals behind Stargate deserve all credit for creation.

Author's Notes: A series of little stories centered around Sam and Vala post Season 10 episodes. Call them serialized episodic responses, if you will. These stories are not written to be separate standalone/one-shots, but some of them can be read as such.

Eventually, these little stories will culminate to a somewhat femslashy relationship between Sam and Vala. Not saying there will be tons of explicit girl/girl awesomeness because that really isn't my forte. I'm saying that things will be more than just friendly between the two as time wears on. So there's your warning. If that's not your cup of tea, then don't read it.

Summary: For when she's this vulnerable and this open, I see her for who she really is and I sympathize. I sympathize and hate myself for liking her as much as I do. Sam/Vala friendship; eventual Sam/Vala; spoilers for all of season 10

**Tumble and Fall**

by e-dog

**1. Flesh and Blood: Trust is a Two Way Street**

The group dispersed after Cam's over-so-eloquent call for a new plan. _He always was one to state the obvious, _I think idly, tapping away at my keyboard. I'm viewing what little intelligence has been gathered on the Ori ships, but honestly, there's nothing much here worth studying or analyzing.

To be frank, my own first eye accounts of the ships flying through the SuperGate are proving to be more helpful than any information provided by the Odyssey. Like 'big' and 'massive' are words that come to mind. Did I mention 'big'?

"So this is where you hide."

I look up, spy Vala in my doorway. There's no way Dr. Lam would've allowed Vala to leave the infirmary so soon. My suspicions are shortly confirmed.

"I snuck out," Vala explains cheerily. "I hate being cooped up for too long."

I manage a brief smile. "Well, get used to it. You'll be cooped up at the SGC for some time. Especially since you've requested to be here on a more permanent basis."

"Oh, Sam, I wasn't born yesterday," Vala scoffs, inviting herself into my lab and sitting on a stool opposite me. "I have yet to come across any technologically advanced race that didn't want to be rest assured that their trust hasn't been or will be misplaced. I completely understand your superior's rather dismaying hostility toward me."

Dismaying hostility? I can barely keep from rolling my eyes, but for once, the conniving alien is proving to be a decent distraction from the ever looming Ori threat. I'm actually appreciative of the interruption and now feel this is an appropriate time for my own little evaluation of Vala's character. It's not that I don't trust Daniel's faith in her, but I still barely know the woman.

"Will our trust be misplaced, Vala?" I inquire thoughtfully.

"Our trust? _Our?_" Vala repeats hotly. "Sam, listen to you! What's with all this 'our' and 'us' and 'we'. All you military are like that. Look, it's just you and me here. You tell me, do you feel _your_ trust is being misplaced? Do _you_ trust me?"

I sigh. "This isn't about what I think or feel."

"It's not?"

"No and don't think by appealing to me, that I'll be able to help you. I don't have any say in what happens to you here. I can't convince them to allow you to stay or join our team."

Vala tilts her head slightly, maybe a brief flash of hurt crosses her features. She says calmly, almost inaudibly, "I'm sorry I'm so transparent."

"Me too," I reply quietly. It's true. I really want Vala's intentions of being here to be honest, veritable. I want to believe that any human, no matter what their background or history, can be good and just. Unfortunately, even now, Vala is still proving to be manipulative. She sought me out for her own gain; not to forge a friendship.

The two of us sit for several minutes. Silent, awkward. I return my eyes to my computer screen, unsure if I should tell Vala to leave. I'm honestly not doing any kind of real work, she probably knows that. Vala finds something interesting on the desk to play with. It's a paperweight.

"Sam?"

"Yeah, Vala?" I answer, without looking up from my screen. I think I've looked over the same picture ten times now. Ten times I've confirmed that Ori motherships are huge.

"I really do want to know. I want to know if you trust me," Vala insists rather earnestly. "I think Daniel does and maybe Cam too. Teal'c is still up in the air, but you. I haven't spent enough time around you to get a read either way."

I take in a deep breath, lean back in my office chair. "Vala, look. I'm not sure. . ."

"It's either yes or no," Vala shrugs, that grin of hers returning. "You scientists always have a hard time answering the simple questions."

"It's not a simple answer," I counter. "I mean, you do realize that this is the longest conversation we've ever had."

"What about. . .?"

"Doesn't count."

"But. . ."

"Firstly, you were addressing everyone, not just me. Secondly, it was like talking to Daniel, almost. We weren't actually seeing you."

"True."

"And while I appreciate what you have done for us, I can't begin to put my trust in someone I barely know," I finish regrettably. "I want to trust you, Vala. I'm just not there yet."

"I trust you," Vala says confidently. She rises from her stool, flips her long hair behind her shoulders. "I trust you Sam and I want us to be girly pals and all that, because while I love the influx of male companionship on this base, sometimes you just need another woman to talk to. You have to understand, right? I hope one day you'll trust me enough to feel the same."

I reply softly, "Maybe."

Satisfied, Vala skips out into the hallway, leaving me both disquieted and bemused. Going on ten years in this program and there are still some mysteries out there I can't quite grasp. Vala Mal Doran is one of them.

"Sam?"

I chuckle, somehow knowing this wasn't over yet. "Yes, Vala?"

"Did I mention I trust you? Really trust you with my life and all that?" Vala says, putting on the most sincere expression she can muster.

With a grin I can't suppress, I reply, "Yeah, Vala. You did."

Funnily enough, I believe her.


	2. Morpheus

Disclaimer: Not mine.  
Author's Notes: Not much to say. Um, just read the first part for warnings, notes and all that jazz. Thanks to those who have alerted this story, reviewed and what have you. You're taking a chance on me and my total blind leap into this fandom. I forgot to mention, this is my first real Stargate fic project, despite being a total fan for a couple of years now.

I'll be posting two parts this time around. Enjoy.

EDIT: I thought I replaced the content of this chapter, clearing up discrepancies concerning 'common Earth sayings that Vala wouldn't care to recognize' and other things. The changes are here now, hopefully.

Summary: For when she's this vulnerable and this open, I see her for who she really is and I sympathize. I sympathize and hate myself for liking her as much as I do. Sam/Vala friendship; eventual Sam/Vala; spoilers for all of season 10

Tumble and Fall  
by e-dog

**2. Morpheus: Lunch and Loot**

"I was very serious about lunch, you know."

"We _are_ eating," I say, smirking just a bit. There's an unusual sense of pleasure felt when in the presence of a disappointed, moping Vala Mal Doran. I swallow down a spoonful of Jello somewhat happily. It's just funny, I guess. I don't know.

I don't hate Vala, no. I have no reason to hate her, but I have to say it's rather enjoyable to see her exuberant self-confidence knocked down a peg. No one is that emphatic about their accomplishments, right? Should I even call her kicking of Daniel's ass and stealing our ship an accomplishment?

I guess I can.

She did pass the test with Woosley. I'm not sure I expected that, but then again, I haven't really worked with Vala before now (if one doesn't count the time she blew up a SuperGate). Cameron and Daniel and Teal'c all seem pleased with Vala and her ability to stave off temptation. If they can be proud of her, I can be too. I'm simply not enamored by her, not like the boys.

Sure, they all act like Vala is this huge pain in the ass, which she can be on occasion, but they care about her and they want her here. Not just for tactical know-how on the Ori, but because they genuinely want her here. I don't know if I can put that kind of faith in her just yet.

"I thought you liked Jello," Cameron says. He's enjoying meatloaf. "You ate it the last time you were with us."

"I do like Jello! I was just maybe hoping I could enjoy some real Earth delicacies," Vala whines. "I'll have you know, I didn't keep such an amazing figure on exercise alone! Food was scarce where I was, everyone was rail thin and blindly worshiping those who were supposed to take care of us. Not that anyone should be surprised that the Ori concentrated more on building troops and less on feeding their people."

"I believe your allies also starved you in order to prove your trustworthiness."

"Ah, yes. Thanks for reminding me of that, Muscles. Now, back to my idea of actually leaving this base for _real_ food. You must have something to barter with, items to convert into currency?"

"Well, while we would love to take you out some time and introduce you to some of our finer Earth delicacies," Daniel interjects. "There seems to be some confusion on what our planet does with 'loot' and what you're used to doing with it. We don't market or sell or barter what we acquire. We study and we store our loot. We don't spend it."

Vala frowns. "Well, that's just absurd!"

"No, it's reality," Cameron corrects her, rising from his seat. "Our salaries here at the SGC don't always allow for us to indulge at fancy restaurants. Am I right, Teal'c?"

"Indeed," the Jaffa replies.

Cameron, still holding his tray, then bids his farewell. "Well, ladies and gentlemen. I bid you goodnight. After our lovely stay on Vagonbrei, I've grown to appreciate normal sleep cycles and those beautiful things called naps."

"I, too, shall retire," Teal'c agrees. Their departure leaves Daniel, myself and Vala lingering over half eaten meals.

"Okay, so you don't spend loot," Vala says, jumping back into our earlier conversation. "How do you purchase things and what is this thing Mitchell calls a saladry?"

"It's _salary_ and we do have a currency system," I answer.

"Several, actually," Daniel cuts in. Even now, he can't help but get excited as he tells Vala about Earth customs. Bridging the gap between cultural differences is his strong suit after all. "Our planet has a great number of countries, all with their own currencies and labor departments. Where we are, the Air Force - for example - will pay us for the work we do here. We then use that pay to buy food, supplies, clothing, etc."

"So it's a job," Vala deduces.

"Just not like the kind of job you're used to," I'm quick to interject. "Around here, we like our jobs to be about honest work, honest living. We earn the respect of our superiors, follow orders and are compensated for that work."

"Doesn't seem all that different from dishonest work, honestly," Vala shrugs. "I, too, had to respect my superiors, follow orders and then was compensated. Granted, I was stealing for them or in some cases, _from_ them."

"There, that's the difference!" Daniel points out with a smile. "Your jobs generally required you to lie, or cheat your way through it all. What we do depends on the survival of our planet and the well-being of billions of humans."

"By _stealing_ other technologies from societies who don't understand its true value," Vala says. "Ah, yes, I see the difference now. As long as you're_ modest_ about your betrayals, then it's okay. Thank you for clearing that up, Daniel."

Daniel sighs. "Forget it. I have to get back to work now, anyway."

"I'll join . . .!"

"No!"

Daniel hurries off. That leaves me alone with Vala. Heh. Right, I'm leaving.

"I better. . ."

"Oh no you don't! Sam, you can't leave me! I'm bored!"

If it's one thing I've picked up on very quickly, it's that Vala is always bored.

I'm still midway between sitting and standing, my tray in hand. I'm itching to just bolt through that open doorway, but Vala is pouting. It pains me to admit this, but the pouting is cute, almost endearing. Reluctantly, I plop back down in my chair.

Vala immediately perks up. "So, what should we do? Go bug Daniel? Talk about past lovers?"

I smile uneasily. "Uh, no and definitely not. I was planning on examining the specimen from the planet, actually. It's possible that bug was an Ori plague of some kind."

Vala isn't convinced. "Highly unlikely."

"Yet possible," I say, standing to my feet again.

"You're just looking for any excuse to be rid of me!" Vala protests, also grabbing her tray for disposal.

"Am I that obvious?" I question aloud, Vala on my heels.

I'm followed down the corridor amidst a string of protests, whining and pleas to be let off the base and explore 'this great planet and all its treasures'. Once I've reached my lab, I spin around and as kindly as possible, request, "Vala, I have work to do. Leave, please."

Vala stands in the doorway, watching me until I'm seated at my laptop. She promises, "You will like me, Sam."

The venturesome statement most certainly makes me pause. Trepidation is what I feel right now.

It's somewhat understood that Vala is the kind of woman used to getting what she wants, one way or another. Not only does she steal and con people, she was once a host to a Goa'uld. That alone is enough to understand Vala's deep rooted need to be liked. If she wants to be liked by everyone, then she will be liked by everyone.

Only, it's not really 'everyone' Vala seems to be concerned with. It's just about me and whether or not I will like her. Do I like her? I know I don't hate her. I have no reason to hate her.

I have yet to look up from my laptop to face Vala. It's not really succumbing to her wiles that concern me most. What I fear more than anything is the method in which Vala will choose to get what she wants. How will she _make_ me like her?

I clutch my abdomen. This unnatural fear in the pit of my stomach. She's causing that, I think.

When I finally glance at the doorway, Vala is already gone. I'm sure she's already putting into motion whatever plan she's concocted to charm me.


	3. The Pegasus Project

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Author's Notes: Here's part two of my double post.

Summary: For when she's this vulnerable and this open, I see her for who she really is and I sympathize. I sympathize and hate myself for liking her as much as I do. Sam/Vala friendship; eventual Sam/Vala; spoilers for all of season 10

**Tumble and Fall**

by e-dog

**3. The Pegasus Project: Sleepover**

Generally, I find long trips to be more grueling going toward a destination, rather than during the return home. It's probably the anticipation of something great waiting on the other side that makes the trips so unbearable. The desire to get there is so bad, it makes the travel time seem longer, more taxing on the mind and body. Daniel most certainly was the poster child for impatience during our trip to Atlantis.

"Oh, man, Daniel reminds me of Thanksgiving at Grandma's!"

Leave it to Cameron to have a story.

"I can remember the long drive to Grandma's. I was little then, of course. We'd be in the car and I'd swear Mom was purposely driving slower and slower, preventing me from a glorious homecooked meal just littered with turkey and gravy and pie. By the time I was at the table, scarfing my food, the wait had been totally worth it and I was no longer angry with Mom for driving so slow.

Then after all was said and eaten, I would be back home before I knew it. My Dad would be tucking me in for the night. It was all over. The dinner was worth waiting for. Home was all that it should be."

"So you're comparing Daniel's enthusiasm for Atlantis to food?" Vala had asked.

Cameron looked hurt. "Not just any food. Good ol' southern cuisine. You don't understand till you've had Grandma's macaroons."

Anyway. Based on previous accounts, the ride back to Earth should feel like three days, not three weeks. Unfortunately, that theory just didn't hold up here.

It took a long three weeks to reach Atlantis and it would take a very long three weeks to get back to Earth. The Odyssey had left Atlantis only one day ago.

There's a reason I'm taking the long way home, of course. The ship is in need of dire repairs after its exposure to both a blackhole and subsequent firefight with a Wraith ship. I volunteered to stay with the ship, to help speed up repairs on the way back.

There's a knock on my door. Crap. I already know who it is.

Daniel. Sometimes I could wring his neck for being so pathetic. He had practically begged me, no, _pleaded_ with me before we took off. 'Please, Sam,' he said. 'Take Vala. Three weeks without her around and I'll get so much work done!' I, of course, caved to my desperate friend's plea. I hear the knocking on my door again.

It's going to be a very, very long trip home.

I drag myself off my cot, only mildly irritated to have my sleep interrupted, and open the door.

"Sam!"

I rub groggy eyes, wonder what time it must feel like. Maybe it's three in the morning? Not that she cares what time it is.

"Hi, Vala."

My guest skips in without permission. I expected her to.

"I'm sorry. I couldn't sleep." Vala is already spread out on the cot, leaving little room for me. Or maybe that's the point.

Vala asks sweetly, "Join me, Samantha. Let's have some girl time. We can snuggle."

I watch Vala gently pat the soft sheets and all I can think is how exhausted I am and that it would be so nice to just pass out right now. Her invitation does seem innocuous enough, but somehow, I'm just not up for spooning with Vala. Not even under the most innocent of circumstances.

I, instead, take the next available chair and sit down.

Vala doesn't hide her disappointment. "I don't bite."

"It's not that," I object, then correct myself with mildly dark humor. "Well, maybe it is."

Vala sits up now, her eyes twinkling as she says, "Sam, really! If you were Cam or Daniel, I would surely understand you misreading my intentions, but I'm not inviting you to bed in _that_ way. I just want to chat."

"Just chat?"

Vala quirks an eyebrow, her tone leering, "Well, darling, if you want more, I won't object."

"I like chatting," I say, a forced smile on my lips.

"Good," Vala chirps excitedly, lying down again. She even makes more room on the cot, should I change my mind, I suppose.

"Now, I say, we should most certainly return to Atlantis when we can. Daniel wasn't very good about letting me explore and even Dr. Weir admitted there were corridors still left to raid. Well, I mean, corridors left to investigate, of course. I think that if we. . ."

Vala could surely talk when she wanted to and I try dutifully to listen. I think she's said Daniel and Atlantis about ten times already.

I yawn.

Okay, so this whole thing between Vala and myself is . . .strange. Partly because this is Vala. She's loud, obnoxious, somewhat brilliant in her own way. She irritates me in much the same way she irritates Daniel. She's spontaneous, doesn't plan her way through anything. Daniel and I like order, we likes to talk things through, bring reason to every decision we're about to make. Vala skips all that and just hopes for the best.

Of course, she's not irritating all the time and this is the dilemma I find myself in. Vala is right to some degree, no matter how cheesy it might have sounded at first. The SGC really is chock full of 'male companionship' and I have very few female friends to talk to after a long day out exploring. Well, very few female friends who would understand what the hell I'm talking about. Like, Ori motherships. Those two words alone would kill any conversation, make me look nutso.

Wow. Exhausted is I.

Janet has been gone for some time now. Two years and I still miss her dearly. Vala's surely not a suitable replacement, but that doesn't make Vala's offer of friendship any less tempting. Having someone was better than having no one, right?

Plus, Vala has made no qualms about her quest to make sure I would eventually like her. A light tap on the shoulder there, a bump with her hip here. The friendly advances are small, almost undetectable, if not for their randomness and I'm finding it rather odd how much I enjoy the attention. Especially if one considers the source. How long could I hold out before giving in to the persistent alien? I'm beginning to fear I'm already falling for her charms despite my high reluctance to do so.

Honestly, I do believe Vala when she says inviting me to join her in _my_ bed is not a come-on. Funny, right? I do believe her, though. She just wants to talk my ear off about this or that, fall asleep together. It would be like going to one of those silly sleepover parties I was never invited to as a child, only Vala is the hostess and this actually might be fun. Just need some popcorn and a movie. A little nail polish.

I almost smile at the thought, but soon realize that my daydreams of sleepovers with Vala are the result of my exhaustion. I don't think I would find this idea so appealing in a more alert state.

Vala is still talking, unbeknownst to my snoozing. I force my eyes open wide, tune back in to all the prattle flowing out of Vala's mouth.

"So, I guess what I'm trying to say is, consoling Daniel is like trying to. . .to...convince Adria that her Ori crusade is all wrong."

I yawn, begin to reconsider curling up next to Vala, if only to get some rest. "That's a bit of a strong analogy, don't you think?"

"You and I both know that Daniel is going to pout about this for the next few _millennia_. He's no fun like this."

"He's got good reason to pout, Vala," I say. My head is beginning to swim a little and the dizziness reminds me too much of my time on Vagonbrei. I need to sleep.

"Samantha, please, lie down," Vala says, her tone almost motherlike. She's finally taken notice of my exhaustion.

"No, you leave. Sleep in your bed," I command, followed by a long, hankering yawn. "Then I'll sleep in my bed."

Vala doesn't budge. "Sam, when I said I couldn't sleep, I meant that."

"I don't see what taking over my bed has to do with that," I say, standing to my feet. I point to the door, "Go."

"Fine, fine," Vala says, rolls her eyes. She rises from my bed. She trips on something, stumbles into me and I'm forced to catch her. She mumbles an apology, hooks an arm around my waist, spins me around and we both tumble onto the bed. It all happens too fast for me to react, but the sensation of falling onto the cot and sinking into the mattress are all too glorious. Opening my eyes, I find myself on my back looking up at Vala. She's got me pinned down, grinning impishly as she states, "Sorry. I tripped over my own two feet."

I'm much too exhausted to force Vala to leave, but I try anyway. I struggle to push her off, but she's overpowering me. Grabbing my wrists, limiting my movements. God, she's annoying. That and she's much heavier than one might imagine. I sigh deeply. "Vala, what are you doing?"

"Whatever could you mean, my dear Colonel?"

I groan inwardly, then state, "Just for the record, I still don't like you very much."

"But you will like me," Vala promises. "And I'm sorry, but I really couldn't sleep. I think it's because I don't know anyone on this ship and it's a bit lonely in my room. I just thought . . ."

"Okay, enough." I shake my head. I can't believe I'm about to agree to this. I mutter reluctantly, "Just. . .stay on your side."

Vala very nearly squeals, as she rolls off me. Given the size of the cot, I really have no choice but to spoon with Vala, but at least I'm lying down now. At least my head is sinking into the pillow, my eyes beginning to shut. I won't even remember she's here in the next few minutes.

Vala behaves, for the most part, chattering some more about Daniel and Atlantis in my ear until I can no longer make out if the words are even English anymore.

All my tired little brain can discern is that Vala is warm, safe.

I also know there's nothing of value in my quarters that Vala will find useful or worth stealing for trade, so with that final thought, I finally allow sleep to claim me.


	4. Insiders

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Author's Notes: I would revisit Part 3 before reading this since I took a while to post again. I apologize. My focus shifted hugely to another writing project, more on the original fiction side of things and this was pushed back a bit. Also, took some advice from other reviews and re-wrote some bits in Part 2. Not sure it's better, but I tried. This chapter is part one of a double post.

Summary: For when she's this vulnerable and this open, I see her for who she really is and I sympathize. I sympathize and hate myself for liking her as much as I do. Sam/Vala friendship; eventual Sam/Vala; spoilers for all of season 10

**Tumble and Fall**

by e-dog

**4. Insiders: Battle Makes The Heart Grow Fonder  
**

Sometimes I really do wonder if resistance is futile.

I pause in my steps upon my approach. There's Vala, leaning against the wall near the elevator obviously waiting on me.

Vala Mal Doran seems to be everywhere and anywhere on this base at any given time. I can't escape her, no matter how hard I try. Most recently, she has parked herself at the elevator to wish everyone a safe trip home each night. I do understand, though. We leave to go home, Teal'c locks himself in his room or treks off with Cam for a night out. Vala can't leave and each night she makes that point painfully clear.

She waves enthusiastically. I shake my head wearily. This woman just never gives up.

"Going home, Colonel?"

Vala only uses rank when she wants something. I hit the button on the elevator and reply, "Yes, going home."

Unlike most occasions, the door does not open immediately. That gives Vala time to pester. Just _perfect_.

"So, I hope you're not still feeling bad about what happened with Ba'al."

"I'm not," I say through clenched teeth. The doors finally open.

Vala hops onto the elevator with me.

Before I can protest, Vala holds up a hand to silence me. "I know, I know. I can only ride with you about halfway to the surface because I can't leave the base yet. Not without proper authorization, but I'll have you know, Daniel is working on getting me that authorization as we speak. Who knows? This time tomorrow, I could be leaving _with you_ to go home instead of saying goodbye."

"That's. . .great," I reply flatly.

Vala nods in eager agreement. "Anyway, I just wanted to chat with you before you left."

"And I told you I'm okay," I insist. The elevator ride seems especially long today. "What happened with Ba'al wasn't in my control."

"Oh, I'm past that, darling," Vala says with a husky laugh. I'm once again fascinated by Vala's short attention span. "I merely wanted to point out what a great team we made this last mission! Running through forests! Taking down Ba'al several times over! It was better than any other scenario I could've come up with."

I look at Vala inquiringly and repeat, "Scenario? What scenario, exactly?"

"Well, to bond! To forge a friendship!" Vala gushes. The elevator doors open. She wraps an arm around my shoulders, leads me out, makes sure to wink at the guard once, before exclaiming, "What better way to create and strengthen a bond then through battle while fighting a common enemy?"

"Have you been chatting with Teal'c?" I ask, holding up my I.D. for the guard at the desk.

Vala suddenly looks confused. "Not much. Why?"

I go to point out the whole 'strengthen a bond through battle' bit, but then I remember who the hell I'm talking to and that I want to go home. I shake my head, say, "Never mind."

Vala cuts off my path to the second elevator, her eyes drilling into me, trying to break me. It's very clear, has been for some time, that Vala wants something more from me whether it be friendship, valuables, food or simply a companion to keep the boredom at bay. I need to make clear that none of that can happen. I've helped Daniel out long enough and he needs to accept the fact that Vala is his to babysit.

"Look. I'm not sure what kind of impression I must've made back on the Odyssey. . ."

"Oh. You mean, sharing the same bed."

I'm not usually one to blush, but I'm most certainly blushing now. I bravely chance a glance at the guard, and bless the man, he's doing his best not to react to what he just heard. I pull Vala down the hall, just enough to be out of earshot, then manage to reply in a nervy voice, "Uh, yeah, _that_. I was really tired and you were. . .wait. Why am I explaining myself?"

Vala goes to reply.

"Don't answer that," I cut her off immediately. "Listen, it's not that I don't want to be friends or anything. It's just. . ."

"You still don't trust me," Vala interrupts. "My goodness, you people! I try and I try and you continue to mistrust me!"

"Vala, it's not about trust," I say hastily, trying to placate the other woman. "Just listen for a second. I do trust you and I mean that. After the way you helped with capturing Ba'al and all that, I trust you."

Vala nods. "As I trust you, Sam."

"I know," I say, able to smile sincerely now. "I know and I'm happy the trust is mutual. The truth is, you're not exactly the type of person, um, that I would choose to . . . hang out with normally."

Vala, for once, doesn't have a response. She appears to be somewhat stunned, to be honest. Great. I think I've managed to insult the one alien in this entire universe that I thought was immune to insults. Am I really so insensitive to think Vala doesn't have feelings just like the rest of us?

I quickly add, "That came out kind of harsh. I don't mean I would never, you know, hang out with you. It's just, um, I'm not used to having someone like you around all the time. For instance, you break chain of command _constantly_. It's irritating to military personnel, such as myself or Cam, who rely on that chain for both tactical support and logical reasoning. You understand?"

Vala presses her lips together tightly, thinking. Finally she responds, "Yes, I think I do."

I feel relief wash through me. "Good. No hard feelings then?"

Vala smiles. "None whatsoever."

"Okay," I smile back. "Goodnight. See you in the morning."

"Yes, goodnight, Sam."

Vala watches me return to the elevators. I press the button for a trip to the surface. She stands alongside me, recalling the other elevator that brought us to this level in the first place. While we wait, Vala leans over and whispers loudly, "Although, I must confess, it's been quite difficult to fall asleep without you by my side, dear. Is it the same for you?"

This time, the guard attempts to cover up a snicker. The elevator doors open, yet I'm compelled to stay right where I am. Have I mentioned how irritating Vala is yet? I have? I still don't think I say it enough.

I turn to face Vala. "Okay, so when I said no hard feelings. . .?"

Vala grins, "Yes, I meant I would exaggerate our wonderful time together on the Odyssey for the entire base to hear and I'm sure General Landry will love to hear of our racy exploits, by the way. Or, instead, we can make real memories together. As real friends."

I simply can't believe it. "You're blackmailing me with false tales of our time together just so I'll be your friend?"

Vala confirms this with a big smile. "Yes." After a long second, she asks, "Will it work?"

I shake my head, my smile not nearly as cheery. "Not in a million years." I step on my elevator and repeat sourly, "Goodnight, Vala."

Vala appears to sulk, but she replies sullenly, "Goodnight, Sam."

As the doors close, I see the now highly amused guard with Vala insisting to him, "We really did share a bed together!"

It's official. I think I might kill her. Just not tonight. Tomorrow. I'll have some free time tomorrow to kill her.


	5. Uninvited

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Author's Notes: This is part two of a double post, so if you didn't read Part 4, hit the back button. Thanks for reading. Love feedback. If you feel so inclined, leave me some love.

Summary: For when she's this vulnerable and this open, I see her for who she really is and I sympathize. I sympathize and hate myself for liking her as much as I do. Sam/Vala friendship; eventual Sam/Vala; spoilers for all of season 10

**Tumble and Fall**

by e-dog

**5. Uninvited: Cuddle**

I stand just outside the door, not sure I'm ready to go in yet.

Today has been interesting, to say the least. First, we're tracking down Sodan cloak monsters, next we're playing cards and laughing like old friends should. Vala fits in like she's been with us for years and I think I finally understand Daniel now. Maybe he's less patient than he likes to admit, but there is a reason he puts up with Vala. Slowly, I'm beginning to discover why.

When she's not trying too hard, she's actually great company. Funny, charismatic. I guess I shouldn't be too surprised that she picked up on the game of poker so quickly. A lot of the game is about conning your opponent and all. It wasn't too long after my big bluff, that she turned around and won a lot of my earnings back. Let's just say I was quite happy there wasn't real money involved.

After the game ended and the boys dispersed to their quarters, I yielded. I told her we could be friends if she still wanted to be. I don't think I've ever seen her so happy nor do I think I've ever participated in such a crushing embrace. She literally hugged the life out of me.

So now I'm just outside the bedroom door. My hand hovers over the doorknob. I'm still not sure I'm ready to go in yet.

Okay. No, I'm not ready to go in yet.

I quickly turn, to walk back toward the kitchen only to bump into Cameron. He laughs at the collision and steadies both of us by lightly grasping my shoulders. His smile is wide enough to make his eyes squint in a rather adorable fashion and he inquires, "Can't sleep or something?"

"Uh, no. Can't sleep," I lie. I'm actually quite tired, if I'm truthful. If only restlessness were the reason for my reluctance to march into that bedroom and pass out.

Cameron catches on quickly, though. "Oh, I get it. You have to share a room with Vala."

"It's not that," I protest weakly. Cameron's gaze has hardened a bit now, a sign that he doesn't believe me. I relent, "Okay, it is that."

"It is a double bed," Cameron points out. "It's not like you have to cuddle or anything."

I frown deeply. "She told you about the Odyssey too?"

Cameron grins wide again. "She told _everybody_." I cross my arms, wait on him to elaborate. He rubs the back of his neck and promises me, "You probably don't wanna know the details of your, um, 'exploits' with Vala, but let's just say I now have new understanding of the terms 'flexible' and 'creative'."

I roll my eyes, push past Cameron to the kitchen and search out our cooler for bottled water. I exclaim, "That woman is insufferable!"

"Hey, wanna trade places then?" Cameron continues to joke. "I got stuck with Landry."

My smile is compassionate, as I politely decline. "I'll take my chances with my supposed girlfriend."

"Okay," Cameron says in a way that makes me pause.

"Cam, don't tell me you believe her?" I say.

"No, no," Cameron shakes his head adamantly. "You and Vala, no? I mean, it's cool, if you are. Vala does paint some fairly plausible situations . . ."

"Cam!"

"I'm joking, Sam," he reassures me, a mischievous glint in his eyes. "I do have to wonder, you know. Vala's little white lies usually do start with the tiniest grain of truth."

He's fishing. I sip from my water bottle and decide that some honesty might finally put an end to these rumors. "On the Odyssey. . ."

Cameron's teeth gleam at me. He encourages me to continue, "On the Odyssey, you and Vala. . ."

I roll my eyes, then finish hastily, "We shared my cot. She was having trouble sleeping and I . . .Look. In hindsight, that was a bad idea, but I could hardly see straight, Vala was blabbing about Daniel and all I wanted was to get some sleep."

"So, you hopped into bed with Vala?"

"More like she hopped into bed with me and don't say it like I slept with her."

"I'm not trying to," Cameron says softly. He leans on the kitchen counter next to me. He crosses his arms now, shrugs. "Would it be so bad to be her friend? I know she's a bit loony toons, but she means well."

I look everywhere but at Cam's face. "Are you getting soft on me, Colonel?"

"No, I just know when I'm fighting an uphill battle," he points out. "Vala is here, I'm accepting that. Before each mission, I write up at least six different alternate plans just in case Vala surprises us."

I look at him and repeat, "Six?"

He winks. "Just know, I have yet to use any of those alternate plans."

I wonder if Cameron even realizes what he's doing right now. Sure, I could assume he's just trying to keep his team from falling apart. If there's even one little rift, like say between Vala and myself, that rift could jeopardize us on later missions. What he doesn't know is that I do like Vala. I like her and I don't want to like her. There's tension because I'm creating it, not because I hate her.

I'll never admit this out loud, but falling asleep in Vala's arms on the Odyssey was quite possibly the best night of sleep I've had in years. I do like Vala. As my former CO once said of me, "I like her more than I should."

"You okay, Sam?"

"Fine. Goodnight, Cam."

"Night, Sam."

I slip into the bedroom, a tiny desk lamp shines as bright as it can. Vala must have left it on for me.

I'm not surprised to see she has flopped herself across the entire bed. Although, I don't suspect it's on purpose. She has this penchant for flinging herself onto any soft surface, like a little child testing out a new mattress. It's another one of those things I find endearing, but I'd never tell her that. Not only would I be embarrassed for saying it, her ego would increase ten-fold.

I had thought about pajamas, but I decide against it. This isn't the first time I've slept in my BDUs and it won't be the last. Besides, the more clothing between us, the better. I gently push Vala's shoulder, silently hoping she'll just move over without waking up. I'm never so lucky.

"Sam?" Vala murmurs groggily.

"Hey, move over," I say quietly. Vala does so and I slide onto the bed, above the covers.

"You are going to freeze, darling."

I curl up into a ball, insist that I'll be fine. I suspect Vala is actually quite exhausted because she merely murmurs a response, before falling fast asleep again.

Time passes, I'm sure of it. I awake later, hearing the soft voice of Vala mumbling incoherently. I slowly turn, enough to see Vala's face and I surmise she's having a nightmare of some kind. Her eyes are moving rather erratically beneath her lids, her lips moving ever so slightly as she talks in her sleep.

I try not to imagine what horrors she must be going through again. I had read the report of the Ancient device that transported Daniel and Vala into the bodies of Ori followers. Daniel's descriptions of Vala's punishment were detailed.

I feel I should save Vala from the memory, gently place a hand on her arm to wake her. Easy shaking doesn't work. I sit up now, lean over Vala and call out softly, "Vala, hey. Wake up. Val. . ."

A hand shoots up and clamps to my throat. Oh! Okay, didn't expect that!

Vala is wide awake, but it's like she doesn't see me. She doesn't know she's trying to choke me to death. My eyes widen, my first reaction is to grab at the wrist of my sleep-attacker, try to break free. I breathe out, "Vala! Vala, wake up!"

"Oh. . .," Vala almost whimpers, immediately letting me go. I cough some, taking in large gulps of air. I fall back to the bed to recover, fill my lungs with much needed air.

Never it be said that Vala Mal Doran is not dangerous. Her guileful ways are most definitely deceiving, that vice-like grip on my throat -even in that brief time - felt like a move that had years of training and preparedness built into it. A clear indication of what it took to survive in Vala's world.

"Sam, I didn't. . .I'm sorry."

"You were having a nightmare," I say, my attempts to show indifference are falling flat. I'm still shocked, maybe even a little frightened by what just happened. I feel Vala move off the bed. She's embarrassed and escaping. I sit up and coax, "Vala, come back. I know you didn't mean to try and kill me."

My voice is lighthearted, trying for nonchalance and it seems to work. She turns back to me, trying to smile, but there's no spirit behind it. She returns to the bed and sits next to me. She repeats, "I really am sorry. Did I hurt you?"

I smile softly, lie for her benefit. "No, I'm not hurt. You wanna talk about it?"

"Oh, it's nothing. Normal stuff really. Sometimes, memories of my time as Qetesh manifest themselves as dreams," Vala says, waving it off.

I have to laugh uneasily. "Normal stuff, hmm? Should I reconsider our sleeping arrangement?"

Vala's expression is one of deep regret and I'm sorry I continue to joke about it. I insist she talk, that I'm willing to listen if she needs me to. Finally, she opens up to me.

"If it's one thing I remember most, it's that deep seeded feeling that someone within Qetesh's regiment was going to betray her. That if she weren't careful, she would be stabbed to death in her sleep. Qetesh didn't make too many friends, I'm sure you're aware. She was always on high alert, even while her host body slept."

"You thought I was rival Goa'uld," I reason.

"Only for a moment!"

"It's okay, Vala, really. I understand," I reassure her. "I was host to a Tok'ra once. Sometimes, I still feel what she felt, see what she saw. It's not all sunshine and rainbows. I get it."

Vala bites her bottom lip, still uncertain. "So, our burgeoning relationship is okay? We're still friends?"

"We're fine," I say with a tiny laugh. I wave her over to me, firmly suggest, "Let's get some sleep, alright?"

The Vala I've come to know (and secretly adore) resurfaces, eager to cuddle up next to me. Her renewed smile is like a beacon in the dark room. As she sidles up against me, I wrap an arm around her waist. I tell myself, this is only to console Vala. She needs a friend, to feel safe. That's all this is.

If only the moonlight wasn't exposing my bemused expression. The fact is, I'm fooling myself. For the second time in less than a month I find myself spooning with Vala and wanting to be here.

I didn't initially have amorous designs on this situation, but the feeling is there just the same. It's humble, but it's there.

I'm confused by it, almost excited by it, but I have to suppress the feeling. Air Force regulations wouldn't prevent anything from happening, of course, but I couldn't do that to Vala. I couldn't live with myself if I acted on even the tiniest of sexual desire. We work together now, we're learning to be friends. I don't want to ruin that.

"Sam?"

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Vala sighs, shifting against me, almost forcing our bodies closer if that's possible. "Just thank you."

"You're welcome."

"And I think next time, we should invite Daniel to share our bed."

"_Our_ bed?"

"The man needs some loving."

I shut my eyes, if only to prevent from rolling them for the umpteenth time. I've just come to the conclusion that suppressing any sexual desire for Vala shouldn't be _too_ hard.


	6. 200

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Author's Notes: Again, thanks for alerting, reviewing, favorite-ing. I think I'm finally happy with this one. Hope you enjoy.

Summary: For when she's this vulnerable and this open, I see her for who she really is and I sympathize. I sympathize and hate myself for liking her as much as I do. Sam/Vala friendship; eventual Sam/Vala; spoilers for all of season 10

**Tumble and Fall**

by e-dog

**6. 200: Believe **

"You Tau'ri are quite odd."

"Yeah, how so?"

"You find the most insignificant of things cause for celebration," Vala explains.

I yawn. "Hmm."

"Like, the day of your birth or that event in which you study a pig's shadow."

"Groundhog," I correct. "You mean, groundhog."

Vala sighs heavily. "Does it matter? Not that it should surprise me that Mitchell kept track of how many times he stepped through the Stargate. I understand that the whole concept of this wormhole business is quite amazing, but nothing worthy of cake and ice cream."

"I guess not."

"I've also participated in better parties."

"Hmm," I hum in agreement. She's right. As far as celebrations go, this one is quite lackluster.

Leave it to General O'Neill to host a '200th Trip Through The Gate' party on the Echo Site. The _Echo_ Site.

Alpha, Beta, Gamma. We've got more sites than I care to count now and I'm not trying to say this planet isn't beautiful. It's a gorgeous planet, but we're stuck _inside_ the base. We can't even enjoy the red, daisy-like flowers on the surface or bask in the crisper, livelier air whirling about between the trees, uninhibited by pollution and the greenhouse effect.

Cameron doesn't seem to mind, though. Alcohol is in full abundance and he's been going on about how he's never been drunk on a mission before. He's still calling this 200th trip a "mission". Probably the five bottles of beer and that shot of tequila talking.

Occasionally Cameron spouts off some drunken, Southern phrase, garners a few laughs, but for the most part, it's a typical SGC get together. Lots of uniforms, a few scientists. Nerds butting heads with Jocks. Usually, that conflict alone is entertaining, but after a few hours of the same ol' jokes, I'm counting down the seconds 'till we step back through the 'gate to Earth.

The cake is chocolate. Not particularly my favorite. Vala loves it though and I hand the rest of mine to her. She eagerly scarfs it down.

"Let's escape," Vala suggests, cleaning her plate.

I look at her, somewhat intrigued. "To where?

"To the surface!" Vala says. "As you know, I spend most of my time wandering halls that look exactly like this Echo thing. Aside from our one little radioactive monster hunt on Earth, I rarely get to enjoy things like grass and blue skies. So, c'mon then! Let's escape!"

I can't help it. I'm always leery of Vala's intentions, even now. "Take Daniel with you."

"Do you honestly think Daniel traveled here to celebrate Mitchell's 200th trip through the gate?" Vala asks, clearly a rhetorical question. Now that she's said it, though, I do notice that Daniel is missing.

My reluctance to respond only makes Vala explain. "Some of Myrddin's loot is here. You know Daniel. He thinks he can find the answer to everything just so long as he can touch every little piece of gold trinket found. He's always hoping one of those is a key to some bigger clue. So, now you know. Let's get out of here!"

"Vala . . ."

"And don't you say you need to find something to work on. We're at a party. Or at least a reasonable facsimile of one."

I rub one of my temples, a headache just over the horizon.

We never make it to the surface of the planet.

Along the way, we found a recreation room and Vala shrieked like a little girl in a toy store. Finally, some entertainment!, she exclaimed. I'm sure the team assigned to Echo are thinking the same of Mitchell's party.

Echo Site was established thanks to the constant breaches of security at Area 51. Here, any "loot" we acquire can safely be studied, then given that it meets certain security risk protocols, can be returned to Earth and ultimately end up at Area 51.

People assigned to Echo have the tedious task of cataloging, recording, and taking pictures. Exciting stuff, let me tell ya. Occasionally, the Echo site crew will exchange old stuff for new stuff, and the process starts all over again. The most thrilling of events to ever happen at Echo Site is happening right now, in the gateroom. To them, Mitchell's little celebration is the equivalent to a frat party on a college campus.

"Oh, Sam! What's this thing?"

Vala is bouncing from one item to the next, unable to decide what to try first. There's a television, some video game platforms, board games, playing cards. I pick up the pack of cards, smirk to myself. I say, "Wanna see a card trick?"

"Oo, magic!" Vala says, face lighting up brightly. She plops down in a chair eagerly. "Your television has many programs concerning the subject. You Earthlings have a very interesting view on what magic is and to think you use it to entertain!"

I chuckle, shuffling the deck. "Yeah, we Earthlings like to be entertained. Using magic to dominate others isn't really our thing."

I dole out some cards into several piles, instruct Vala to select any three piles and to set them aside. After she selects three piles, I gather up the remaining cards, hold onto them. I instruct, "Now pick any pile and flip the top card over."

She does so. With the extra cards in my hand, I count what appears to be an arbitrary number of cards. When I'm done, I say, "Okay, pick a second pile, do the same thing."

She flips over the top card of another pile. I, again, count what appears to be an arbitrary number of cards. She assumes I want her to flip over the last card, but I stop her.

"Wait. It's now my turn to guess the number on the last card. Which is five," I say confidently. I love showing off this card trick. She squints her eyes at me and I insist, "The number on the top card is five."

She flips the last card over and sure enough, a Five of Spades greets us. She looks at me, still quite amazed, "How are you doing it? Any self deserving con can see you're counting cards, but I can't pick up on the pattern at all. It all seems so random!"

I smile. "It's a simple math equation, one that works every time. The way I count does seem to portray a random sequence, but it's far from random."

"Show me!"

"If I tell you, then it's no longer a trick, now is it?"

"It's not a trick if it involves math."

"Sure it is. You think all those magicians on television forego the use of math or science in their performances?" I reason. "If they didn't, their attempts at 'life or death trickery' would ultimately kill them or endanger their assistants. Magic, for us, is the thrill of illusion. When things appear to be something extraordinary."

Vala huffs. "Whatever. I'm sure the Ori wouldn't be impressed with your simple math equation."

I smile sadly. "No, probably not."

I shuffle the cards, mostly to fill the silence in the room. Mentioning the Ori, even when one is trying to jest, is always such a downer. Not to say we aren't all thinking about them every second of every day. Even now, as Cameron stumbles around in the gateroom 'drunk as a skunk', he's thinking about how he can defeat the Ori. We all think about it.

"Sam?" Vala says, her hand slipping into mine. She squeezes it.

I squeeze in return to signal I'm listening.

"We're going to get through all this, right?"

Her soft hand in mine suddenly feels fragile, small. Her blue eyes dissolve into grey, expose the uncertainty that Vala usually can hide so easily. It's times like this I wish Vala were still obnoxious, still unreasonably insufferable. For when she's this vulnerable and this open, I see her for who she really is and I sympathize. I sympathize and hate myself for liking her as much as I do.

I grasp her hand firmly and promise, "We'll get through this, Vala. All of us. Together."

Vala chuckles, the gesture almost mirthful. Certainly not the reaction I was expecting to my reassuring words.

"What?" I say, curious as to why our situation suddenly seems amusing.

"Nothing, really," she says, releasing my hand and trying to smile. "It's just whenever you or Daniel or Mitchell tell me we'll all be okay, I guess I. . ."

She trails off and I lean forward, gently push for her to continue. "You guess what?"

"I believe you. Even though the task seems impossible, I believe you."

My smile is cheerless, but my efforts raise her spirits some. It's not much, but sometimes a little faith in what you believe is all you need.


	7. Counterstrike

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Author's Notes: Apologies to those who have been reading. The wait has been long, but I hope it's been worth it. RL has zapped me of all energy lately and with NaNo in its second day, I'll be finding even less time for fanfic. I'll do my best to keep working on this little series for those who are still interested. Thanks to all who have commented, left feedback, corrected canon errors, etc, etc. I really appreciate it. Keep the comments coming.

Summary: For when she's this vulnerable and this open, I see her for who she really is and I sympathize. I sympathize and hate myself for liking her as much as I do. [Sam/Vala friendship; eventual Sam/Vala; spoilers for all of season 10]

**Tumble and Fall**

by e-dog

**7. Counterstrike: Responsibility **

Vala is parked near the elevators.

I'm not completely surprised. Wishing us a goodnight combined with insistent begging to be allowed off base has become routine with Vala, but I am mildly curious to her behavior this evening. She's not facing me, as I would expect. She's facing the wall, studying what appears to be nothing.

When I reach her, I notice her meditative expression and after following her gaze, I fail to see what the grey concrete wall could be offering her. It's just a wall with its yellow/black border and a huge number prescribing the level we're on. Nothing out of the ordinary.

"Uh, Vala?"

I wonder if I even have to ask.

"Sam."

She doesn't bother to make eye contact.

Awkward pause. Damn it. I'm curious enough to ask.

"Okay. What are you looking at?"

"Well, I'm looking out the window, silly."

My eyes widen at the nonchalance in her answer. I smile, though I'm not sure if I find this funny or psychotic. "Uh, what window?"

"_Exactly!_" Vala shouts at me, finally breaking her gaze and grabbing my shoulders. My normal defenses to push her away don't work. Instead, I'm just taken aback by her outburst. She rants, "Samantha, I am so _bored_. It's bad enough I have to be stuck down here with nothing fun to do, but no windows? Absolutely no access to the outside world? Everyone (including Muscles) has a place to escape to, but not Vala. Vala Mal Doran is stuck like a prisoner in her cell, the irony being I'm not actually shackled to a wall and being forced fed worm meal!"

"Worm meal?" I repeat somewhat queasily, certain I don't want to know what part of her life consisted of being shackled to a wall and eating worm meal. Gently shrugging out of Vala's grasp, I say sympathetically, "Vala, you're not a prisoner and I'm sorry you feel that way. I'm guessing our last mission is taking a toll on you."

"Taking a toll? Please," Vala laughs. She shakes her head, those pigtails swinging from side to side. "I only thought my galaxy dominating daughter was left for dead, then come to find out she's actually quite alive and well, destroying major Jaffa outposts and still on that mass killing of innocent _millions_ kick! Nothing I can control, nothing I should worry my little head about."

Yeah. She's like a steamroller, isn't she?

I sigh inwardly. "Vala, it's okay. She's your daughter and I understand if you feel. . ."

"Responsible?" Vala tries. The helplessness in her voice is mildly dismaying. When Vala Mal Doran loses all confidence in herself, loses that spunky quality that is inevitably her, the universe just feels slightly off kilter.

"I wasn't going to say that," I say, wincing visibly. "I was going to say 'attached'. You feel this bond with her through obvious biological means and maybe she feels it too, but there's this . . ."

"Emotional disconnect?"

"Yeah, I guess that's what I mean," I agree. I steal a glance at my watch. I had planned on heading home, curling up to sleep and just forgetting the day. I think my plans have changed. "Listen, Vala. Why don't . . ."

"Yes, I'll go with you!"

I look at her, moderately disturbed by her clairvoyance. "I haven't even said anything yet."

"You were going to invite me off the base, were you not?" Vala says expectantly.

"Well, yeah, I was going to suggest that maybe you'd like to look out a real window," I say, my smile hinted with bewilderment at her perceptiveness. Or maybe I'm smiling because I know she just manipulated me into taking her off the base. Either way, we're both leaving together and now I wrack my brain for ideas on how to entertain her. My little home isn't exactly party central, not with the dust bunnies taking up residence nearly _everywhere_.

I press the button to request the elevator, talk just to fill time. "I know Daniel can't really approve your authorization to roam about the surface till next week, but if you leave with me. . ."

"You'll be responsible for me?" Vala says. Her expression drops, becomes almost solemn. "Are you sure you want to undergo such a task? Babysitting the mother of the Orici?"

The elevator arrives and we both step on. I place a hand on her forearm, grasp it gently. "Everyone deserves a chance to escape."

After I manage to convince the guard that Vala is allowed to leave with me, I lead her to the locker room first. As I'm sorting out my personal belongings, Vala is lying out on the bench behind me. She's babbling on, topics including: Seeing the surface of my planet again. Hopes that I don't live in a wooded area like O'Neill's cabin. (The mosquitos ruined her otherwise flawless skin.) She wants to play poker again, this time with real currency on the table. The babbling goes on and on and on. . .

"Vala!" I say, maybe too loudly. It shuts her up at least. Handing her a helmet, I grin proudly, "You'll need this. Wear it on your head."

Vala does as she is told, her pigtails poking out on either side. She lifts the visor, her eyes the only thing I see now. They shine, eager to learn what the contraption on her head is for. Anxious to see more of my home. Damn it, she's adorable right now.

Cheerily, she asks, "Now what?" The visor, unexpectedly, falls shut again. Vala huffs. The cute is very overwhelming.

I decide it's best I get this show on the road before I start thinking things that aren't quite as innocent.

I grab her hand to lead her toward the garage while she messes with the visor on the helmet. We reach the garage and I point toward my motorcycle. "Now this. _That's_ what I usually drive to work."

Vala pushes the visor up on her helmet again, reveals uncertain eyes this time. She says meekly, "We'll both fit on that thing?"

"Yep," I reply, now adjusting my own helmet.

"It only has two wheels, you know."

"I know."

She seems to quiver in fear. Her unease is somewhat amusing considering this is the same woman who flew an Al'kesh into a developing singularity, ruptured the connection and nearly got herself killed.

I remove my leather jacket, hand it over to her. I promise, "You'll need that too. It'll get cold."

"What about you?"

"I've survived through worse," I shrug it off. I hop on the bike and encourage, "C'mon. It'll be fun."

Vala climbs on behind me and I instruct her to wrap her arms around my waist. I stress the importance of holding on, leaning against my back for full support. When she mimics the actions I describe, I try to ignore the tingles of warmth going up my spine.

I describe what taking corners will be like, how fast we'll be going, etc. I implore heavily that we'll be okay, but I feel my reassurances are falling on deaf ears.

"You have to tell me if you're uncomfortable, okay?" I say seriously.

"Sure," Vala replies casually.

"I mean it, Vala. You're a first time passenger and it's totally up to you if you want to slow down or stop," I reiterate. "I want this to be fun, you know? I don't want to scare you."

"I'm not scared," Vala insists, although her tone is rather weak, uncertain.

"Ready?" I ask. I feel Vala slip her arms around me, her chin rests on my shoulder as she presses herself against my back. I assume her death grip around my waist means 'yes, let's go'.

The bike roars to life and Vala tenses. With one of the smoothest take-offs I can muster, we leave Stargate Command behind.

I decide to avoid the highway. Too many cars. The more scenic route, however, proves to be too short. By the time we reach my home, Vala is laughing and begging that we ride around the bend one last time. It's actually rare to hear a first time passenger enjoy a motorcycle ride this much, so I'm glad I was able to share this with Vala. To share a thrill that not many people understand nor get to experience. Sure beats the time I offered to take Daniel home. He threw up on his front porch.

"Please, Sam. Once more," she pleads again. I almost cave to those long, batting eye lashes.

I try a compromise. "It's getting late, but we'll be riding the bike back to work in the morning, okay?"

Her grin at the prospect is absolutely cherubic.

"Housing is quite lavish on your planet," Vala comments. To say I'm amused by her remark is an understatement. I consider my home modest at best, but once I consider the hundreds of planets I've visited in the last ten years, I understand her awe. Most of the societies we meet are pre-Industrial revolution, their housing constructed from unmodified raw materials and constantly needing maintenance.

"What was your home like?" I can't help but ask.

"Cold in winter, hot in summer," she describes, her tone surprisingly wistful. "The floors were dirt and the ceilings leaked. It had it's imperfections, but it was shelter."

"Well, don't be fooled by the paint," I smile. "My home only looks grand. My roof needs repair, the basement collects water when it rains and the heater likes to go on the fritz in the winter."

"Well, let's be honest, Sam," Vala says, winking at me. "The bedroom is the true domain of any home. A nice comfortable bed and a warm body to cuddle with is all anyone really needs."

I half-smile and inform her, "I do have a guest bed."

Vala continues to grin. "How unfortunate."

"Yeah," I say uneasily, gesturing toward the couch. "You sit. I'll be right back."

She consents, sits down and begins examining the room with her eyes. I can almost hear her calculating what she believes to be the true value of my belongings and what she might get for them out there in the 'space black market'. I try to remind myself that I trusted her enough to bring her here, I can trust she won't touch my things. Maybe.

I retreat to my bedroom, quickly throw off my black t-shirt and don a more comfortable tee. I decide that maybe we can share a tub of ice cream, talk more about the last mission. An attempt at some spiritual healing, a bit of therapy for the soul. The kind of stuff that I know I'm no good at.

It all seems like a great plan in my head, but I soon discover it won't be necessary. When I return to my family room, Vala is lying on my couch, wrapped in my leather jacket and fast asleep.

"Vala?" I try. I know she's dead to the world.

I find a blanket in the closet, lay that over her lower half. I cut off the lamps, light a few candles to dim the room.

I take a seat in a nearby armchair, curl my legs under me. Vala's restful state is an amusing mix of childlike peace and well-worn adversity, candlelight accentuating every nuance of her face. Highlights on cheekbones, tiny flecks on eyelashes. It's as if her mind is flipping from memory to memory, flash to flash of all that she's seen, the people she has met, the things she was forced to become. Her exuberant youth wanes, the longer I sit and watch.

I'm captivated by her sleeping form.

I shove myself into the corner of my armchair, my back protesting immediately to the awkward position, but I ignore it. I'll suffer a little physical pain, if only to make sure Vala can wake up from whatever nightmare she might have and know she's not alone. After a day like today, I know sleep will be restless, intermittent at best.

She seems alright, though. Still, calm. When I hear her snore softly, the sound makes me smile and that's when I know I'm in trouble.

"Damn it, Sam," I mutter into the back of the chair, force my eyes shut to keep from gawking at her.

Vala was right. She said I would like her. I thought she would pull some crazy stunt in an attempt to win my affection over, but she merely behaved as she normally would. No extra bells and whistles, no forced intimacy beyond what she normally imposes on any one of us. She was just being herself and damn it, I can't see her any other way.

I like her and I think she's known it all along.


	8. Memento Mori

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Author's Notes: Hey, yeah. NaNoWriMo. Total bust, but how does one get over the loss of not writing 50,000 words in a month? They write something else.

Summary: For when she's this vulnerable and this open, I see her for who she really is and I sympathize. I sympathize and hate myself for liking her as much as I do. [Sam/Vala friendship; eventual Sam/Vala; spoilers for all of season 10]

**Tumble and Fall**

by e-dog

**8. Memento Mori: Telling Stories**

I imagine Cameron's expression is about as slack jawed as mine. Too bad Teal'c isn't here to witness this. Even he would have to break that earnest look of his. Maybe raise an eyebrow in intrigue.

There, right before us, is Vala with her tongue rammed down Daniel's throat. The poor guy is limp in her arms, barely fighting back. He's either too shocked to move or not aware he's enjoying it. Either way, I wouldn't exactly say he's kissing her back. He's more a spectator to the whole thing than an actual participant.

I glance at Cameron and his face is still contorted in that 'Holy Hannah' look. I don't blame him. My expression is exactly the same. Although, I think my shock is for entirely different reasons than his.

I always knew Vala had a thing for Daniel. Everyone knows that. I just never considered the possibility of bearing witness to such public affection between the two. It's clear they have great -albeit weird - chemistry and the truth is, I don't like it. I don't like it at all. Certainly not a revelation I want to have while eating dinner with my SG-1 teammates.

Finally, Vala lets him go. Daniel slumps in his seat, nearly knocking his dinner plate over. Vala triumphantly exclaims, "And _that'_s how I defeated Daniel and stole your ship."

Cameron nods his appreciation. "Yeah, when you said 'demonstration', for some crazy reason I didn't actually think you would demonstrate."

Stuttering, Daniel protests, "She. . .Now wait. It-It didn't happen exactly. . .like that."

"What didn't happen exactly like that? The 'sexual assault' part or the 'taking over the ship' part?" Cameron asks for clarification. I almost can't tell if he's joking.

"Both?" Daniel tries in the most least convincing voice ever.

I feel bad for Daniel, I do. He's about as red as a tomato right now. He's got a bit of lipstick smeared above his lips as well and I want nothing more than to tell him it's there, but I don't. He's embarrassed enough. The less we talk about it, the more quickly he can try to forget it happened.

Vala, unfortunately, doesn't care for Daniel's embarrassment. In fact, I think she's reveling in it.

"But, I did almost very nearly have sex with him and he called me a 'fruitcake'," Vala recalls proudly. She frowns then, saying, "Of course, at the time, I thought that was a term of endearment."

Cameron spits water out of his mouth at that comment. He wipes his chin with his sleeve and remarks, "Right. Term of endearment. You sure know how to win the ladies over, Jackson."

I hum my accord, while sipping water from my own glass. Daniel produces his not amused look. Vala winks at Cameron suggestively and I swear he blushes.

Daniel adjusts his glasses for probably the umpteenth time and pleads, "Can we discuss something else please?"

"I'm all for that," I agree, almost too eagerly. I catch Vala's eyes in that moment, but have to turn away because considering she just slobbered all over Daniel, she's eyeing me with an insatiable lust that I pray is only an illusion.

When my eyes meet hers another time, purely incidental, she's got this bemused look about her. Like she knows what's going on in my head and I quickly advert my eyes away again.

Right, Sam. Like _that_ wasn't obvious. I think I just clued her in to my discomfort.

Damn it all to hell. This isn't happening. I do not like Vala . . .

For Daniel's sake (and secretly my own), Cameron changes topics. He decides to tell another one of his Grandma stories, which for some reason, seems to be keeping Vala's attention. I've heard this one many times before, however, and take a restroom break. I need to clear my head.

I wash my hands, look in the mirror and wonder how I got here. Normally, I could care less about Daniel and Vala or whatever the hell is going on with them, but tonight I feel different. 'Odd' is maybe a better word for it.

No?

Alright, alright. The word I'm looking for is _jealous_.

I'm not usually the green eyed monster type, but then again, there have been few opportunities for me to be jealous of anyone. I don't mean that as a self-centered assessment or anything, but for the most part, I try to avoid the unattainable. 'Try' being the operative word there.

I've gone to Teal'c many times to obtain any kind of advice concerning potentially dangerous relationships and even though he's warned me against being stupid, too often I've ignored him. Should I even bring up the time I interrupted a little barbeque get-together Jack had with his girlfriend because I suddenly got cold feet in regards to my engagement to Pete? No? That's a story for another time, then.

I wonder if Teal'c will think . . .? No. I'm not entertaining the possibility of me and Vala. I'm not entertaining it, so no need to go to Teal'c and ask for advice because it's not a possibility I'm entertaining.

It's not.

I really wish Teal'c was here right now.

"Sam?"

I jump back. The water is still running, but I had stopped washing my hands long ago, lost in my thoughts and self-berating. I turn the water off quickly and face Vala. "Sorry, I was thinking. Wasn't paying attention to the time."

"Well, Cameron sent me in here because he thought you 'fell in'?" Vala repeats the phrase clumsily. "I decided that meant you might be in need of assistance."

"No, no, I'm fine," I say, smiling. "It's easy to get lost in thought lately, especially after what happened to you. You haven't been with us long, but losing a member of the team is never easy. I guess. . .I'm not sure what I'm trying to say here."

Vala breaks into a grin. "It's okay, Sam. Just say you love me and let's move on."

I quirk an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"

"It's simple. You love me, care about my well-being," Vala elaborates. "Just say it and you'll feel better. Then I'll feel better knowing that you care."

She's probably using the word 'love' in a totally platonic sense, but I'm never sure with Vala. So many of her words have double meaning. I try to choose my words carefully. "I think you know that we all care about you."

Vala shakes her head. "There you go with that 'we' nonsense again. I don't care about them. Well, of course I _care _about them, but I'm talking to you now. Just you." Vala saunters up to me, trapping me against the sink. She leans toward me and asks softly, "What was really weighing on your mind, Samantha?"

The atmosphere has suddenly changed. I'm out of my element. I start repeating my mantra in my head. _I'm not entertaining the possibility of me and Vala. I'm not entertaining the possibility of . . ._

"Samantha," she whispers again, goading me.

Vala's close proximity is definitely unsettling and I try to put a little space between us, but that might actually require touching her and I don't want to do that. I already hate how she makes me feel, what she does to screw with my head. I can't touch her, not even if it's to fight her away. So, I swallow hard and answer as honestly as I can, "I told you. I was thinking about you."

Vala's head tilts to the side in curiosity. She replies, "I think about you too, Sam."

No, no, no. I have to leave. I can't move. She's eyeing me the way she just eyed Daniel out there. Sizing me up, perhaps. Assessing the consequences, waiting for the right opportunity to go in for the kill. I've been around Vala long enough to recognize the signs and she's going to strike and I'm not moving!

"Vala," I manage to squeak out, but my protest is barely acknowledged.

It's happening before I can stop it. I grip the sink behind me, Vala's tongue now taking up residence in _my_ throat. She doesn't touch me or pull me close, but then again, she probably knows she doesn't have to. I'm rendered immobile, just the feel of her lips on mine is enough to keep me still. There's a pause in her assault for a second, but only for a second. As if she took a moment, making certain that this was reality.

She doesn't resist in touching me now, one hand clasping the back of my neck, the other hand on my hip and toying with the hem of my jeans. I can feel the devilish grin in her kiss. Her confidence is downright disturbing.

I suddenly understand how Daniel must've felt at the table only a few minutes before. Kissing Vala is like breathing. You don't stop, not unless she decides it's okay. You don't dare think about it because then reality would ruin everything. Just let it happen.

I guess I should be thankful that, unlike Daniel, I don't have an audience. It's just Vala and myself in this tiny, public restroom. Just us and three empty stalls. That thought sends a bit of self-assurance through me and I find myself eagerly kissing back.

Then Vala pulls away just as suddenly as she wrenched me in. I have no words. I don't even have my brain outputting the command to slap Vala upside the head for her boldness. I'm just dumbfounded, both by the kiss and the fact I'd like to kiss her again.

It's only now, as my mind clears, do I notice my hands have tangled with her hair. Crap. I pull my hands back, return them to their vice-like grip on the sink.

Vala is quick to notice my reluctance to act. "Well, now. I surely would've expected you to kick my ass by now."

"You speak too soon," I say, my voice not nearly as able. "I still might."

"I look forward to it," she winks at me. Yeah, I know. I totally walked right into that.

"Yo! Sam! Vala! What's up?"

Cameron. It's Cameron.

I stop breathing. Vala smiles wide.

She says, "You really like me. You really, really like me. I _knew_ you would like me!"

I shake my head, attempt to say no, but I'm afraid to speak. Afraid of what Cameron can hear through the door.

Vala completely backs away from me now.

Cameron knocks again. Thankfully, he's enough of a gentleman and doesn't barge in unannounced. I still can't find my voice, but it's not like Vala ever lost hers. She's left me leaning against the sink, skipping up to the door and answering, "It's okay, Cam! Sam felt a little dizzy!"

Heh. Dizzy is an understatement.

"Oh, okay. I thought maybe you two were sitting on a couch and having a good cry!" Pause. "Is there a couch in there?"

Vala looks at me, smirks. She says, her eyes never leaving mine. "Well, we were having a good 'something'."

Finally, the power of speech returns to me. "Mind telling me what that 'something' was?"

Vala opens the door, shrugs, "I think only you can tell me that, Sam."

She walks out, but is sure to wink at Cameron suggestively before skipping down the hall. I'm still leaning against the sink and Cameron is still in the doorway and all I want is to shrink away, disappear. Cameron looks at me, clearly curious, but he doesn't ask what just transpired. He just says, "Are you okay?"

I nod.

He grins. "Alright, but you should know, you got a little. . .right here." He motions with his index finger around his mouth, which prompts me to run a finger over my own. I can feel it, already know what it is, but I look in the mirror anyway, see remnants of Vala's lipstick above my lips. Damn it, again. I feverishly rub it away.

I go to look at Cameron, try to explain, but he's already gone.

So much for not having an audience.


	9. Company of Thieves

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Author's Notes: Thank you all for the reviews and comments. It keeps me going. =) Not sure I like this one. I rewrote it a few times and ultimately ended up with this.

Summary: For when she's this vulnerable and this open, I see her for who she really is and I sympathize. I sympathize and hate myself for liking her as much as I do. [Sam/Vala friendship; eventual Sam/Vala; spoilers for all of season 10]

**Tumble and Fall**

by e-dog

**9. Company of Thieves: Honesty**

Sometimes, I forget how real this all is.

The guns and the blood. The clashing of two opposing forces. Those unfortunate casualties of war. I'm not just prancing around in some action packed movie. This is my life. Going on ten years and each death cuts just as deep as the first.

When the missions become too real, I start immersing myself in work. I know, I know. Not a big secret or anything, but truthfully, work is the one thing I can turn to in times of distress. While Teal'c, Daniel or Cameron are great sounding boards, it's not always easy to vent about everyday frustrations with the very same people who suffer through the same turmoil. They're just as distracted, distraught, disengaged as I am and therefore not nearly as helpful as I would like.

So I work.

Admittedly, tinkering with the hyperdrive is a frivolous activity considering Vala already fixed it and we are well on our way back home, but I have to keep busy. I have to ward off all the negative thoughts, ward off the pain.

We lost Emerson today and then realness just slapped me sideways. Sometimes I forget that we lose people. That I can lose people and then I remember Janet and Martouf and Dad. I remember the many times I lost Jack, but somehow, he always made it back to us. Some people just don't have that kind of luck.

Even though we weren't terribly close, I'm going to miss Emerson dearly. He was fair, honest. He shouldn't have died that way.

So now I'm tinkering with the hyperdrive, partly to forget today, but mostly to figure out _how_ she did it. How Vala just swooped in with her swinging pigtails and affectionate smile, promptly (if not brashly) fixing the hyperdrive with little prior experience with such things. Mostly, I wonder, how it is that Vala literally kicked the hyperdrive like a broken office copier and managed to outsmart me in the process.

I shake my head. This really isn't the time for bruised egos. I should go work on something else. The shields aren't totally necessary at this juncture, but it would be nice to have those back to full capacity and it will give me some time alone. Time to mourn and to move on.

"Knock, knock."

This just really isn't my day.

"Hey, Cam," I say, rising from the floor. "Teal'c is okay?"

Cameron makes a face, then shakes his head vehemently. I guess that means we shouldn't talk about _that_ for a while. So I change subjects, point at the crystals and say, "I was looking at the hyperdrive."

He frowns. "I thought it was fixed."

"Uh, it is. Vala somehow. . ," I trail off, still not sure how to explain the miracle she pulled off.

"Say no more," Cameron smiles, then motions behind him. "I was going to grab some chow. Care to join me?" Before I refuse, he says, "Look, I know I can't boss you around. I can't boss _anyone_ around, but technically, I do run the team and on occasion, I should pretend to show some authority."

I half smile. "Are you ordering me to join you, Cam?"

"You have to be hungry."

My stomach grumbles in agreement.

* * *

"Sam, hey," I hear Cameron speak. I feel myself being helped to my feet. "Let's go. Time for you to take a nap."

I must've nodded off again while attempting to eat my little cup of Jello. I manage to right myself and walk with Cameron, refusing to let him carry any of my weight. I insist, "I'm not tired. I should work on the shield. . ."

"Someone's on it."

"But what about the. . ."

"Someone's on that too. Sam, trust me. Everything is under control. You need to rest. End of discussion."

I try one last time, "But. . ."

"Sam, you're not the only astrophysicist on this ship."

"I am a genius, though."

Cam laughs. "I know a guy named Rodney who might disagree."

We arrive at my quarters. He sets me down on my cot and winks at me. "Back at the honeymoon suite. So, is this where Vala first seduced you? Tried to make that long, lonely trip from Atlantis a little less lonely?"

I glare at him. "Cam, we had a pact never to discuss that."

Cameron can't stop smiling. "Oh, I know, I know. You don't like Vala, she doesn't like you. That lipstick I saw on your face? It was all an illusion. I get it."

"Do I have to set the record straight again?"

"I don't see anything straight about it."

"Cam. . .," I groan.

He's been relentless in the teasing and there's not a damn thing I can do about it. Vala kissed me. She _assaulted_ me in a public restroom and I let her do it. Hell, I enjoyed it. Then Cameron, while not a witness to the event, saw the evidence.

Maybe I should be thankful Cameron finds the whole situation amusing rather than alarming. Any other team leader would have me discharged for even thinking about fraternization with a team member.

"Sam," he calls out to me. I roll my eyes, untie my boots and avoid looking at him. I hear him pull up a chair and sit down. He releases a little sigh and tries again, his voice more apologetic, "Sam, c'mon."

"You know what?" I say, looking at him now. "You were right. I am kinda tired. I should rest up."

Cameron doesn't take the hint. Or maybe he does and just ignores it. He leans forward, says, "Look. I know I've been teasing ya about this, but I'm sensing trouble here. The problem I'm having, however, is figuring out whether this is the good kind of trouble or the bad kind."

Okay, scratch my earlier thought. Maybe Cameron does find the situation mildly alarming. I run a hand through my hair and say firmly, "I don't like Vala in that way, Cam. She caught me off guard, okay? She's like a rumbling locomotive with no emergency brake. Daniel understands that just as well as anyone."

Cameron isn't convinced. He goes to say something else, but I kindly cut him off.

"Cameron, I know you want to be the thoughtful leader that everyone can talk to and I appreciate what you have to say, but please, leave this alone. There's nothing going on between Vala and myself."

Cameron's smile is lazy now, his eyes twinkle a bit as he rises from his chair. He thinks I'm lying. He thinks I have feelings for Vala and if I'm honest with myself, he's probably right.

He raises his hands in surrender and says, "Okay, okay. I'll leave it alone, for now."

He takes his leave and I sigh inwardly, stretch out on my cot and shut my eyes. Naturally, my thoughts are consumed with Vala and it's all Cameron's fault I'm dwelling on this as heavily as I am. Well, it's partially Cameron's fault.

Moments later, I hear footsteps and groan aloud. "Cameron, seriously, I just want to be left alone."

"Well, then. I guess I'll have to enjoy these two steaming hot cups of cocoa all by myself." A loud slurp follows the statement.

I open my eyes, see Vala in my doorway, not Cameron. She's holding two mugs, her relaxed pose resting against the metal doorframe and she's wearing that soft, half smile usually reserved for Daniel after a long day. I sit up slowly, unsure of what to make of her charitable visit, but finding myself appreciative of the gesture. I smile, invite her inside, "Hey, Vala. Sorry, you can come in."

"Not a bad time?" she asks, suddenly aware I may not be in the mood for company.

"No. Just have a lot on my mind, that's all," I say, motioning again for her to enter. "Cameron was just in here, trying to heal all wounds and save the day. He's always been that way. He, however, didn't offer me any chocolate."

Vala grins brilliantly. She enters, handing over one of the mugs to me and proudly proclaims, "I made sure to add lots of whipped cream. I love that stuff."

I grin, studying the mountain of fluffy white and say, "Thanks."

She takes another sip while sitting down in a seat previously occupied by Cameron, the tip of her nose now covered in white. She immediately wipes it away and says sincerely, "Tough mission."

"Yeah, "I agree. I finally sip at the hot contents in my mug. The liquid is smooth, calming and I wonder how Vala knew a cup of hot cocoa would make this trip seem a little bit brighter. I breathe in deeply, tell her, "Emerson was a good man. Odyssey won't be the same without him."

Vala hums into her mug, drinking down the last of her cocoa. She sets the empty cup on the ground and says, "I don't want to sound callous, Sam, as I'm sure Emerson was a great warrior, but I'm glad it wasn't you."

I catch her eyes now, they shine with what I imagine to be tears. Tears that represent a fear I'd never thought to see in Vala. To witness this self proclaimed independent showing concern for a teammate is quite jarring and I'm not sure what the appropriate response is right now.

I won't pretend that Vala should feel obligated to show remorse for a man she only just met, but I'm not sure I expected her confession either.

Much to my surprise, she reaches up, the palm of her hand now caressing my cheek and the pad of her thumb wiping away a tear I wasn't aware had escaped. She continues, "I know you think it should've been you. Maybe if you had to do it all over again, you'd shield your friend, but I'm glad it. . ."

Vala's words trail off and I wonder why she just doesn't finish her thoughts. I really want to know what she has to say, but I can tell she's said far more than she wanted to already. Her hand slowly leaves my face. She releases a nervous laugh and apologizes, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I truly am sorry about Emerson."

She stands quickly and I promptly rise with her (nearly dousing us both in hot chocolate in the process). I sit the mug down on the floor, grab her arm and keep her from leaving. I try to smile and say, "It's. . .I'm not upset by your words. I like you better when you're honest."

"So it's official? You like me?"

I raise an eyebrow curiously, unable to keep from smiling at her. "Sure. Officially, I like you. _When_ you're not trying to seduce me, trick me and/or make me feel uncomfortable."

Vala's grin returns, her eyes sparkle at me. "Honesty is all you want then? I can be honest."

My hand somehow finds it way to hers. She interlocks her fingers with mine and I laugh lightly. "Okay. Sometimes you can be, but most of the time you're not."

"I can be honest all of the time."

I frown. "Prove it."

"Okay!" she exclaims, sidling up to me now. "Like now. Honestly, I would love nothing more than to take you to bed and have my wicked way with you."

I back up a little, to put some space between us and I confess, "Okay, that's probably too much honesty."

"And _honestly_, the Tau'ri are the most sexually repressed group of people in this known universe. I've been trying in vain to rectify that."

I squint my eyes, take an educated guess. "Did Daniel turn you down again?"

Vala ignores my query. She just grabs both my hands, gently swings our arms and says, "Honestly, Sam. You look absolutely horrible. I think it's time you considered drinking that cocoa I so generously offered you and once you finish that, go to bed and get some sleep."

With very little protest from me, Vala guides me back to the cot, picks up my mug and hands it back to me. She quickly leans over, plants a soft kiss on my forehead and wishes me a good night. She backs away to leave and I can't help but say teasingly, "What? You're not going to invite yourself to join me in my bed?"

Vala's face is very mischievous now. She eyes me with lingering lust and says huskily, "Actually, I wouldn't mind continuing what we started a week ago. Maybe putting some truth into our Odyssey rumors."

I clasp my mug tightly, never letting my gaze stray from her eyes, my mind wandering to other forbidden possibilities. Momentarily thinking that maybe it wouldn't be so bad, then quickly countering myself, convincing myself that anything beyond friendship with Vala would simply be messy.

I think back on that kiss and I know deep down I wouldn't change it. Hell, Cameron can tease me all he wants, it'll be worth it. From now on, I'll regard that memory as something exciting and spontaneous, not regrettable or frightening. I'll hold onto that and move on from there.

I finally feel the tension of the day fall from my shoulders and I turn her down gently, "Goodnight, Vala."

Vala sighs, her eyes softening along with her tone. She tells me, "I know you liked kissing me."

"I did," I confirm quietly. "Which is why I can't kiss you again."

"I wish I understood that," Vala says, almost pouting now.

"Goodnight, Vala," I repeat again, a bit more firmly this time.

"I'll wake you when we reach Earth," she promises.

"Okay," I say, and then she leaves. I wish I had the courage to ask her to stay.


	10. The Quest I and II

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Author's Notes: This chapter went through so many permutations, hence the months between updates. I hope this is sufficient. I decide I would only write one response to The Quest, even though that story was two episodes long. Anyway, this takes place after The Quest Part II.

Summary: For when she's this vulnerable and this open, I see her for who she really is and I sympathize. I sympathize and hate myself for liking her as much as I do. [Sam/Vala friendship; eventual Sam/Vala; spoilers for all of season 10]

**Tumble and Fall**

by e-dog

**10-11. The Quest: Checkmate**

I know Cameron meant well. He's tough on Vala because he knows she can take it. She can handle anything and he only speaks sharply, with edge in his words to reiterate the seriousness of our situation. He only means to help strengthen her, but just because Vala understands war and loss and sacrifice, doesn't mean she's ever experienced it first hand. She's just as fragile as anyone.

Daniel was her first real friend, way back before they even realized they were friends. Their bond is unique.

While Cameron's approach is usually the most appropriate for military officers, it will take more than ambitious words to console Vala.

I stand next to Cameron in silence, long after Vala's resentful exit. Finally, he breaks the quiet and says, "She'll be alright. We all will be. Jackson doesn't die easy."

His humor falls flat and I try to agree anyway, but I know what I feel. I don't feel good. I know Vala doesn't feel good either.

* * *

"Checkmate. _Again._"

"No way," I mutter, viewing the board before me in disbelief. I glance up at Teal'c warily and ask for probably the umpteenth time, "Are you sure you've never played chess before?"

"Perhaps I haven't been entirely truthful," Teal'c answers simply, a hint of a smile on his lips. If it weren't so rare to see the Jaffa smile, I might just smack that smirk right off his face. He nods toward the board and asks, "Would you like to set up again?"

"And keep losing? I think my ego has been bruised enough, thanks," I joke, gathering up the pieces. Teal'c and I continue to clean up in silence.

We're going into day three of our mandatory seven day vacation. Playing chess with Teal'c has helped to pass the time. I have yet to win a game, however. I'm thinking tomorrow we'll pick a new game.

Currently, our orders are to take it easy, the loss of Daniel hurting us in more ways than one. While we'll always appreciate his language deciphering wizardry, Daniel has grown into quite the soldier himself over the years. Planning our missions will definitely change tactically, having one less gun on our side. His interpersonal skills will also be greatly missed. He has a way with Vala that the rest of us don't.

She hasn't spoken to any us since we lost him.

We leave the recreational room in relative order, and while we stroll down the empty corridor, I know we both secretly hope for some galactic emergency that'll require SG-1 to join the front lines.

Teal'c muses aloud, almost reading my thoughts, "The halls have been quiet."

"Yeah," I agree, even though the SGC itself hasn't gone on vacation. There are still missions and intelligence gatherings and strange Goa'uld springing up from time to time. Landry's just keeping SG-1 away from it all. Keeping _me_ from my lab. Truthfully, I'm mostly upset that I've been banned from my work.

We round another corner, the next corridor leading to our private quarters. Vala has spent much of her time locked within hers. Yeah, I know. When Teal'c says 'the halls have been quiet', he really means to say 'Vala isn't gliding around on roller blades up and down the halls, wreaking havoc every which way and turn'.

I can't help but sigh aloud as it occurs to me how much I actually miss the disruptions.

"I have not seen Vala Mal Doran for quite some time," Teal'c says. Yet another obvious observation, a reiteration of his first statement, but this time more direct in its meaning. I would suspect that Teal'c is trying to hint at something, but he's really not that surreptitious. This is real concern emitting from him. Maybe he misses the spontaneity as well.

"Cameron said he checked in with her this morning," I say, trying to sound indifferent. "He said she seemed okay. She was flirting. He was uncomfortable. Normal stuff."

Teal'c looks at me as we reach his door. "You are not convinced?"

I half-smile at him. Sometimes, I wish he didn't know me so well. I nod toward her door, say, "I'll go check on her."

"She will be fine," Teal'c tells me, his tone warmer than usual. It's that tone that has me reconsidering the sneakiness I once thought absent in my friend. He's not stupid and while I haven't mentioned this dance between Vala and myself to Teal'c, I think he suspects something. He observes, just like everyone else. He can come to his own conclusions. He just won't overtly tease me like Cameron does, but he is trying his best to lead me. Maybe get me to admit something I'm not ready to admit yet.

Teal'c adds, "She's dealt with loss before."

On this, I'm not sure I agree. "I don't know, Teal'c. She's a lone con artist. No family, no connections to a home, if she ever had one. Losing Daniel is different."

"Perhaps." We stand there a moment, before Teal'c reminds me, "You were going to check on her."

"Right," I say, chuckling nervously, though I'm not sure why I'm nervous.

Teal'c bows, his customary way of saying goodnight. I say goodnight with a smile.

So, down the hall I go and once I reach Vala's door, I knock boldly.

Then a sudden wave of apprehension comes over me as I honestly don't know what to expect from Vala right now. It could be buckets of tears, bitter and violent behavior, overt sexual advances. I just don't know and as the door creaks open, I stiffen up and brace for impact.

"Sam?"

Well. I find myself gawking and I really shouldn't be.

Vala's wrapped up in a long terry robe, a rather conservative choice of sleepwear and that alone should give me pause for concern. It's not just her attire, however. It's everything about her. Her hair is tied up. What little make-up she has applied is light and natural. It's all very much the opposite of her usually exuberant color choices.

Her arms are crossed and her stance both timid and aloof. She's not the Vala I'm used to.

"Well?" Vala huffs out, her impatience also dismaying.

"Sorry." I shake my head, break the trance I was in. I feel bashful.. "I wanted to see if you were okay."

Vala studies the floor, her arms crossed even tighter. "And if I said that I was?"

Quietly I tell her, "I wouldn't believe you."

"Well, believe it," Vala says firmly. "And I'm not hungry, I don't want to 'take a walk' or do anything. I'm perfectly alright staying in here until our next mission and there's nothing you can say that'll change my mind."

The look of determination on her face is rather adorable, even if I shouldn't think so at this moment.

Maybe I should fight her, pressure her to live again, but I never was one to purposely seek out confrontation. Besides, I know if I were in her position, I'd lock myself away too.

I back away from the doorway and tell her, "Okay. If you need anything, let us know."

She's clearly surprised by my response. "Wait. What?"

I shrug. "What?"

"You're not going to lecture or tell me how much better I'll feel if I eat something or exercise or some dullard crap like that?"

I shake my head, "Nope."

Vala studies me, assessing my answers. Finally, she says, "Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you," she says, her eyes looking a bit glazed with grief.

I want to tell her we'll find Daniel. That she'll be okay. We'll get through this together, but it sounds cheesy in my head and it'll sound even cheesier said aloud.

I take a step back, go to say goodbye, but I'm suddenly in her arms as she clutches me toward her. Her fingers grasp at my black tee, her embrace bordering desperation, dread. I timidly return the hug as her head settles against my shoulder and I feel every ounce of her sorrow seep through my skin. I have to steel myself, not in order to strengthen myself for Vala, but to keep my own heart from falling to pieces.

I miss Daniel just as much as she does, if not more. I cried once over his death. I don't plan to cry again.

"C'mon, let's get something to eat," I say. "We can talk. Or not talk."

Vala won't really budge, but she does speak, almost a whisper into my shoulder. "I miss him."

"I know," I say.

That's when Vala pulls back just enough to see my face, her cheeks stained with tears. She asks inquisitively, perhaps almost painfully, "Why am I the only one who's an emotional wreck? Have you grown so accustomed to losing one another that you're now numb to it all?"

"I've been trained to accept losses," I reply steadfastly. Vala's eyes seem to darken at my answer, so I grasp her arms and say firmly, "But don't think for a second that I'm accustomed to this. You never get used to losing people close to you. It's the risk you take, joining a team."

"You sound like Mitchell," Vala huffs stubbornly.

"Cameron knows what he's talking about," I say softly now, letting Vala go and stepping back again. "The offer to join me for dinner is still on the table."

Vala uses both hands to wipe at her cheeks, erasing remnants of running make-up and angry tears. She mumbles something about having to make herself more presentable and shuts the door.

I stare at the door for several long minutes, then turn loose a shuddering breath. Quivering lips won't stop trembling and if I start crying now, I might just die. I might just crumble right now and I can't do that because I'm Samantha Carter. I'm a member of SG-1 and I . . .

I'm tired of losing people.

Vala reopens her door, wearing attire more like herself, hair done up in pigtails. I straighten up, smile as warmly as I can. She eyes me curiously, probably sensing my unease, but she says nothing on it. We walk together in silence and I think how close I just came to shattering.

Vala has the freedom to break. She doesn't necessarily have to be strong for anyone else, but I've built a reputation here. I can lead, if necessary. I am strong and will be strong for others, but hearing Vala accuse me of numb regard toward the loss of a friend ignites a jealously unlike anything I've ever felt. Vala can fall apart if she wants to. I can't. I'm not supposed to.

I stop, suddenly. She stops with me, looks at me. Maybe I'm not supposed to break, but I can try to bend.

I meet Vala's eyes, admit reluctantly, "The last time I allowed myself to really cry for someone, I mean, really cried. . .we lost Janet. For weeks, I cried myself to sleep."

"Who's Janet?" she asks innocently.

I smile sadly now, proudly say, "She was my best friend."

Vala grabs hold of my hand, gently squeezes. She requests shyly, "Tell me about her?"

So I do. I share my memories of Janet. Some secrets, my adoration. All of this for the first time in nearly two years. In return, Vala does something I never once considered she was capable of doing.

She listens.


	11. Line In The Sand

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Author's Notes: Ya'll probably hate me for the inconsistent posting. This chapter also saw many rewrites and I'm still unsure about it. Hope you enjoy it. I also hope RL gives me more time to devote to this. I've been working on the next few parts simultaneously, trying to stay ahead this time and not get too far behind. Thanks for those who have dropped reviews and comments. Much love to all of you.

Summary: For when she's this vulnerable and this open, I see her for who she really is and I sympathize. I sympathize and hate myself for liking her as much as I do. [Sam/Vala friendship; eventual Sam/Vala; spoilers for all of season 10]

**Tumble and Fall**

by e-dog

**12. Line In The Sand: Movie Night**

"Home, sweet, home!"

Cameron pushes the front door open with his toe, his arms juggling food and rented movies and my briefcase containing somewhat important lab materials and my laptop. I beseeched heavily that I wouldn't need any help getting home, but of course my protests were met with 'tsk, tsk' and 'nonsense'. How silly to think I could drive home every night like I do _all the time_.

Ultimately, my team used the excuse of 'movie night' to invade the premises.

Vala skips in after Cam (carrying nothing, I might add) and embarrassingly enough, Teal'c carries _me_ into my own house. If I had been using the cane offered me by Dr. Lam, I wouldn't be presently cradled in Teal'c's arms, but I am stubborn. I left the cane in the elevator on purpose.

I'm gently dropped to my couch, the Ori staff weapon wound to my gut only mildly stingy. Cameron disappears into my kitchen.

Vala plops down next to me, smiling widely. "So, if I'm to remember correctly from my last visit, you don't have much fun stuff here, do you?"

Cameron's head reappears from the kitchen and he repeats curiously, "Her _last_ visit?"

I plaster on that stupid grin I wear when bashful, then change subjects. "What movie are we watching tonight?"

Teal'c smiles now. "A film entitled _Old School_."

From the kitchen, Cameron says loudly, "It's Big Guy's favorite!!"

"Indeed," Teal'c says, bowing slightly to emphasize his enthusiasm. He then excuses himself to help Cameron with snack preparations.

"Here, let me get your coat, Sam," Vala says, sliding the garment down my arms before I can object. She tosses my coat to another chair, in which I watch her do so with mild amusement, and then she fluffs one of my couch pillows. This too is entertaining. She punches it a few times, scrunches up her nose in deep concentration. Satisfied that the pillow is fluffy enough, she places that behind my head and then curls up next to me. "There? Comfortable?"

"Uh, yeah, thanks," I say, my grin both bemused and bewildered. With the way she's practically lying on my arm, I want to ask if she's comfortable as well.

Cameron returns to the family room with a big bowl of popcorn. Teal'c is on his heels with _several_ cans of soda, four of which Teal'c will drain in less than 60 seconds.

Cameron views the set up on the couch and complains, "Hey now. What if I wanted to sit next to Carter?"

"Too bad. Sam is mine tonight," Vala announces, her possessive tone not going unnoticed by anyone. She rests her head on my shoulder, a blatant signal to the boys that she plans on keeping me close for at least the duration of the film.

I glance at Cameron with a look of desperation, but all he does is smile and shrug. He's leaving me to squirm and suffer all on my own.

Well, maybe I shouldn't say I'm suffering too much. I'd like to think Vala and I have grown quite close in the last couple of weeks and I do enjoy having someone around to cuddle with.

I will squirm, however. I will squirm and scowl (a little) and I will make a fuss, because Cameron is quite convinced that Vala and I are on the brink of upgrading our friendship to something less platonic.

I wish I could say he was wrong.

The movie starts. As interesting as the movie is, I find myself transfixed by the company I keep and I'm grateful to have these people in my life. I settle in, my body relaxes and Vala slowly drifts to sleep at my side.

* * *

I open my eyes, find myself alone. After a few minutes of disoriented pondering, Cameron returns and smiles at me, seeing I'm awake.

"Hey, Sleepyhead."

I chuckle lightly. "Hey, Cam."

"Well, Teal'c found a quiet place to meditate in the garage and Vala is out cold in the guest bed," Cameron reports. He sits down next to me, careful to sink into the couch slowly so as not to jostle me too much.

"I'm not a piece of china, Cam. I won't break," I tell him, smiling gently.

"I know, I'm sorry," Cameron says, patting my leg. "I'm just happy to see you sitting here. In one piece. Alive."

"I'm okay," I say with soft urgency. I really wish he would stop worrying. I know he won't, though.

Cameron nods. There's something else on his mind, he's wrestling with whatever it is. He rubs an index finger over his lips and tells me quietly, "I want you to be happy, Sam."

I force out a chuckle. "Where did that come from?"

"Look, I'm not going to pretend to understand what's going on anymore, but I wanted you to know that," Cameron says, smiling a little now. "I want you to be happy."

"Cam." I push his name between my lips wearily.

He looks at me with an intense gaze. "Sam." He leans forward some, closer to me as he whispers, "Don't pretend you hate the attention."

My eyes connect with his. "I was hoping it wasn't too obvious."

"You never were good at hiding your feelings from me," Cameron notes gently. "Besides, Vala has made clear what she wants out of all this."

I breathe in deeply, get up on wobbly feet. I need a moment alone. Cameron stands with me, a helpful hand already on my arm, but I politely decline his assistance. "Cam, I can walk to bathroom unaided. I promise."

"Are you escaping?" he asks knowingly.

"I have to pee," I tell him urgently.

He actually takes the hint this time, maybe recognizes he went too far. He wordlessly falls back to the couch, but eyes me suspiciously as I hobble away.

I push on the bathroom door, leaving it open just a crack. The water goes on and I watch the stream of clear liquid swirl around the drain, then disappear.

While I was lying there in our protected alternate dimensional bubble, I was so damn thirsty. I didn't tell Cam this at the time, but I was.

The Ori were marching around us, I know this, even though I couldn't really see them from my position. Cameron was tinkering with the device, asking me for help. I was lying there, doing my best to stay together, but succumbing to a myriad of thirsts. Thirst for water. For life. For luxuries not afforded for someone like me. I was going to die, never having the chance to . . .

"Sam."

I spin around just in time to see Vala shut the door completely. I didn't hear her slip inside, didn't think she'd have the hutzpa to storm into my personal bathroom. Then again, I do keep learning this lesson the hard way. Vala knows no boundaries. I go for the door while scolding, "Vala, you shouldn't be. . ."

"Oh, Sam, Sam," she whispers, gently forcing me back until I bump the vanity. She looks around briefly, taking in my rather drab decor, then says, "It seems we keep meeting in places like this."

I roll my eyes. "Only because you. . ."

"Shh," Vala says, her finger on my lips. "Cameron is a gentleman, but he's curious after all. Keep your voice down."

Hmm. She does have a point. Bathroom acoustics are finicky like that.

"I have questions," Vala states to me.

"I guess I have answers," I reply. "But do we have to talk in my bathroom?"

"Where else do you suggest?" Vala retorts. "Besides, I've got you here, now. You'll find some way out of this if I let you leave."

Resigned to the fact that I'm not going anywhere until Vala says her peace, I move past her to sit on the edge of my tub. She smiles widely, teeth and all. She lowers the toilet seat cover and sets herself down on that. The way we are sitting, her one knee knocks into mine, and my already tiny bathroom definitely feels smaller.

After a long pause of us doing nothing but knocking knees, I begin, "So. What did you. . .?"

"Courtship on your planet. Explain it to me," Vala cuts in. "Daniel has briefly gone over some details, but I can never be sure he's ever telling me the truth. Sometimes, I think he tells me whatever will keep me quiet longest."

I like that Vala speaks of Daniel like he's still here. She's hopeful and sometimes, hope is contagious.

Vala continues on, "I know you must think of me as some superficial being, my concerns centered around my own self-love, but I have curiosities."

I raise an eyebrow, my amusement quite evident.

Vala's eyes narrow at my smirk. "It's just, no one ever takes me seriously when I ask legitimate questions."

I consider her words even as she playfully knocks her knee against mine. Vala has the fascinated expression of a child in kindergarten. Eyes slightly wider than normal, a tenseness in the shoulders. Their rapt attention could be consumed by crayons and a coloring book, but that's really all it takes to entertain a child. Something new, something fresh.

In this case, however, I know the concept of courtship is not something Vala needs any help with. I pat her knee, offer up a soft smile. "Okay, look. If you want to. . ."

Vala interrupts me again. "And don't lie to me. I really want to know! For knowledge on your social customs and other related matters."

"Okay, fine. I'm not trying to avoid the subject. Let me finish," I say, doing what I can not to laugh. She's as determined as ever. Vala wisely keeps her mouth shut this time. I continue, "Okay. What I was going to say is, if you want to ask me out on a date, all you have to do is ask."

"Date?" Vala says, repeating the word as if testing how it sounds from her lips.

"Our ritual for courtship," I explain. "We like to participate in several outings, put ourselves in situations that aren't quite as intimate as say, this bathroom and spend time together outside our normal environments. It's a way to learn more about the other person without forcing one another into some sort of obligation."

"Leaves room for escape? A clean break?" Vala says.

"Well, not always clean, but yeah. It's easier to come to a mutual agreement this way," I say.

"And all I have to do is ask?" Vala inquires curiously. I can tell she doesn't trust my words. Like this whole 'dating' concept is too simple.

"Just ask me," I tell her. "Granted, asking someone on a date isn't always easy. Many people suffer from anxiety or nerves. Gathering the courage to show interest in someone can be. . ."

"You and me and one of these date things," Vala blurts. She nudges my knee again, with more emphasis. "Let's begin this courtship ritual of yours. Learn more about one another."

". . .but why would you be nervous?" I say with a smile. Now I have anxiety of mine own, but it is of my own doing. I entertained her questions, gave her an opening. I do have one trick left up my sleeve, though.

I rise from the edge of the tub, slowly. She rises with me, a comforting hand on the small of my back. Our eyes lock. Desire meshes and curls around me. I wonder how awful would it be to go on a date.

"So," Vala says softly. "Is that a yes?"

I laugh nervously, feeling silly that I got so caught up in my thoughts, in her gaze. With about as much awkward as I can muster, I place a quick kiss on her forehead. "Yeah, sure. We can go on a date."

Vala quirks an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Really," I say. I move toward the door, then pretend to double over in pain. Vala instantly grabs my arm and I almost grin devilishly. "Well, that is until Carolyn gives me a clean bill of health. I'm really not supposed to be walking around unaided, you know. We'll probably have to postpone this date for a while."

Vala narrows her eyes. She hates me now. I know it.

"How long is a while?"

I shrug. "Oh, until I get better, I suppose."

"Oh, Samantha. You _are_ a tease. Here, let me help you." Her sarcasm rings out loud and clear.

I wrap an arm around her shoulders, she puts an arm around my waist. She opens the door and walks me to my bedroom. Once there, I prop myself up in the doorway, unhook my arm from around her. She gives me that determined look two-fold and warns me, "Don't think of me as impatient. I'll wait."

"I know," I say.

"You will hold to your word. You agreed to go on one of these date things with me," Vala pushes.

I chuckle and say again, "I know."


	12. The Road Not Taken

Author's Note: omg, hello! It's been a while, eh? I got nudged pretty hard a couple months ago. And after a hard drive crisis adverted, I found my drafts for this story. I have awesome computer geeky friends.

Summary: For when she's this vulnerable and this open, I see her for who she really is and I sympathize. I sympathize and hate myself for liking her as much as I do. [Sam/Vala friendship; eventual Sam/Vala; spoilers for all of season 10]

**Tumble and Fall**

by e-dog

**13. The Road Not Taken: Roll, Bounce **

I peek over the top edge of my computer monitor to find Cameron peeking back at me. He's leaning on the lab table, both palms flat and his arms ramrod straight. He peers at me with bright, confused eyes and I try to meet his gaze with empowered indifference. It's all I can do to not fall apart, but his gaze is intense, his curiosity even more so.

Again, he says to me, "You told Vala you would do _what _now?"

Indifference. Total indifference. I can totally do that.

It's no use. I crack. My expression falls into a deep panic as I confess more readily, "I told her we could go on a date. I told her we could go on a. . ." I breathe in deeply and then mutter quickly, "That was a bad idea. A _really_ bad idea."

"Whoa, whoa, stop. Don't hyperventilate on me now, Carter. Stay calm," Cameron urges, rounding the corner of the table to sit on the empty stool next to me. He crosses his arms, leans closer and says, "You can always tell her 'no'. Take it back."

I look at him, eyes widening. "Cam. I can't do that."

He chuckles, then says, "Why the hell not? It's easy. Just tell her you can't. She's a tough gal. She'll get it."

"Cam. I just can't do that to her," I tell him calmly. He, of all people, should understand. Cameron believes in promises. He believes in trust.

He leans back again, arms still crossed, eyes even more bemused. He wonders aloud, "What haven't you told me about your accidental trip to Alternate Universe Earth? And don't tell me it was nothing. Something else happened there. I can tell."

"You can tell?" I say, nearly rolling my eyes. "Are you suggesting that whatever happened over there now has me doing crazy things like asking Vala out on a date?"

"I didn't suggest that, you did," Cameron points out.

"Well, to clarify, I made this date before I zapped myself elsewhere," I tell him defiantly.

"Sam, I'm more concerned with what happened after the zapping," he pushes.

"Cam . . ."

"I'm serious, Sam. While the prospect of a date with Vala would be naturally nerve wracking for any sane human being, there's something else shaping your convictions."

I shake my head, turn away from him and let my eyes focus on the moving images flashing across my computer monitor. The screen saver plays the spinning SGC symbol and no matter how hard I try to will it, the symbol gives me no insight to my sudden terror. I'm terrified and I'm not even sure I know how to explain what's come over me.

"Sam. What happened to you over there? Tell me, please. Talk about it."

I sigh. "Cameron, I already told you everything. . ."

"Right. Of course you did," he says, finally giving up and rising from the stool. Moments later, he takes up residence in the doorway, watching me as I watch him.

After a long, pregnant pause, he advises, "Do what you think is right, Sam."

He's about to leave. I should let him leave.

"Cam, wait."

He stays in the doorway. I approach slowly, wonder what the hell I'm doing right now. I run a hand through my hair and confess, "No, I didn't tell you everything."

"I knew it," Cameron replies, a smirk on his lips. He can't help but be childishly triumphant sometimes, even if it can be totally inappropriate.

I manage to smile in return, even though in my mind, I see Their Cameron in his wheelchair. Their Cameron, his humor melted into dark comedy. Their Cameron again, exiled and abandoned. There aren't enough words in the world to express my relief to be home, to see My Cameron grinning impishly before me. With a deep sigh, I say, "I hope our world stays the way it is, Cam."

Cameron regards my words before saying, "There's a reason we call them Alternate Universes, Sam. It's just one of many possibilities."

"I know," I nod. "I just . . . when I look in your eyes, you actually look at me in return. If we weren't friends, weren't as close as we are, I don't know . . ."

"Alternate," Cameron repeats gently. "Not us."

"Not us," I repeat as confidently as I can. I can't help that Their World has shaken me so. I can't help but feel afraid that someday we'll end up like them. The 'what ifs' surround me with an enormous amount of irrational uncertainty and dread. I look at Cameron again, see his eyes shine at me with worry and then I remember. _This_ is my Cameron.

I repeat, "Not us."

Cameron smiles at me. "Don't let what happened scare you. You agreed to do this date thing with Vala for a reason. Now get outta here."

So I do. I leave my lab, head to my quarters. A quick shower and a change of clothes later and I'm outside her door. Several minutes pass, my hand poised to knock, but I can't follow through on the motion.

_Okay, Carter. Just get this over with_. I shouldn't be this nervous. I've stood up against the practical destruction of the _entire_ universe and I've won. I can do this. This is a piece of cake.

I glance around the empty corridor again, just to make sure I'm alone and then timidly knock on the door. I hear a faint response, then the door swings open a few seconds later. I manage a restive grin, one that probably makes my entire expression look pensive and constipated.

Vala waits for me to either say 'hello' or explain my presence. I do neither. I just stare at her dumbly, not sure how to say what I want to say. The more I allow myself to feel something for Vala, the more I find myself tongue tied around her. Also, my eyes tend to gravitate to her. . .

"Sam, I know I'm gorgeous. It's okay. I don't mind the attention, but surely you came here for a reason other than checking me out," Vala says. My eyes snap back up. I'd like to think she's joking, but I know she's not.

With eyes squeezed shut for a moment, I collect myself and blurt out, "Let's go. Grab a coat, put on make-up. Whatever it is you have to do."

"Excuse me?"

"We're going out," I tell her. She doesn't move. "We're leaving now."

Her eyes look me over, probably noticing for the first time that I'm not in military fatigues. Her eyes land on my face and she remarks inquisitively, "Is that eye shadow?"

I sigh impatiently. "Vala, let's go."

"Let's go? Where are we going?" Vala inquires.

"It's a surprise," I answer.

"I don't like surprises."

I try one last tactic; something I know will make her agree to leave with me.

"We get to ride my motorcycle there."

Vala's grin is instantaneous . . . and mildly salacious. "Let me grab my coat then."

My passenger is enjoying the ride just as much as I am. It's absolutely exhilarating.

Vala squeals when I take sharp turns, her arms tighten around me with I pick up speed. I don't feel I have to hold back, I don't have to be concerned that my companion will upchuck their dinner along the way. Vala is adventurous and bold and exciting. She actually encourages me to go faster. She almost convinced me to wheelie down an open stretch of road. Almost.

Her enthusiasm fuels my desire to transform into someone not quite like me.

Someone less cautious. Someone moved by their heart, not by their head.

I nearly skid to a stop at our destination, parking my bike next to a meter. I peel the helmet off my head, grinning from ear to ear. Vala is already complaining that the ride is over. I look over my shoulder and protest, "Hey, I already broke several traffic laws on the way here so we could 'go faster'. Let's slow down for a while."

"Fine," she pouts, looking about the busy street. "Where are we anyway?"

We both climb off the bike as I finally confess, "This is our date."

Vala's expression immediately falls into disbelief. "You really meant it? This is our date?"

Sheepishly, I say, "Yep. This is our date."

Vala's expression is so bright, smile full of teeth and eyes glistening with utter contentment. I wasn't aware until just now how much this would mean to her. I feel I should say something profound, but she surprises me with a searing kiss to my lips, an effective means to shut my brain down completely.

The kiss is over before I can properly react (or return it), her hand in mine as she waits on me to lead the way. Still recovering from tingly lips, I walk her through the crowds toward our destination.

Garish disco music blares loudly as flashing lights glitter around us. It's been several years since I stepped into a place like this, but I've found it rather easy to fall back into a comfortable rhythm. Vala, on the other hand, is having a hard time adjusting. I almost worry that this was a bad idea for a first date, but her attempts at mastering this task are quite comical. If anything, at least _I'll _look back on this memory with fondness.

Vala's grip on me is deathly now. She's literally hugging me as we coast along. I hold her close to me if only to help keep us both upright. Occasionally, she'll slip to one side or the other. We've only fallen twice.

I lead us to the wall, allow some of the younger kids and more experienced couples to whiz by us. She immediately leans on the wall for support and while she glares at me, I unabashedly grin back.

"Stop laughing at me," she orders.

"I'm not laughing," I say, still grinning. I scoot closer, offer up some advice, "Don't be so stiff. Relax."

"These things on my feet are going to kill me," Vala scoffs. Then her eyes shoot daggers at me. "And you of all people shouldn't be advising me to _relax_."

I look down at her feet, ignoring her comment. "I did tell you it would be best to start with roller skates."

"But the roller _blades_ looked like more fun," Vala whines. She attempts to stand straight again, but loses her footing almost immediately. I catch her before she hits the polished wood floor, help her return to an upright position. Vala's hands now rest on my shoulders, my arms around her waist. She almost seems to blush as she comments, "I do have to admit, Sam, our constant physical contact is much appreciated."

"Yeah, about that," I smile. I let her go and back away. She squeals and grabs onto the wall again.

"Sam!"

"You're on your own now," I tell her. "Go on. I'll stay close."

"I'd rather you be closer," Vala replies, swiping at me in an attempt to grab my arm.

"I know," I say, smiling wider. I glide past her, pretend I'm going to leave her behind. "Let's go. Try to keep up."

It takes a bit of coaxing - more like _a lot_ of coaxing - before Vala pushes away from the wall and manages to just roll along without tipping over. I wait patiently for her to reach me, while kids zoom by; scaring the living daylights out of her in the process. I can't stop grinning as I watch her struggle to skate, but she does eventually bump into me. I find myself hugging her once more, gazing at her as she scowls back at me.

"C'mon. You're having fun," I tease.

"I'm only putting up with this because you wanted to be here," Vala tells me honestly.

My taunting smile softens. I reach up, tuck a strand of lose hair behind her ear. I say, "Trust me. Your patience has not gone unnoticed."

"Hmm, well, maybe I should warn you that my patience is about to run out," Vala chides lightly.

"Fine, we can go. . .," I say sympathetically, ready to lead her off the rink. Vala stops us, stops me. Her hands cup my face, she tilts my head down until our noses barely brush one another. Suddenly, I don't hear or see anything but her. The disco music fades, the rambunctious teen skaters still fly by, but all the noise melds into quiescent calm. It's just Vala before me and my heart thumps wildly knowing that I'm privileged to have someone like her this close to me. I whisper, "You don't want to leave?"

"While I would love nothing more than to remove these horrid skates and escape this dreadful noise you call music, I was actually referring to something else," Vala clarifies. The pad of her thumb traces my bottom lip, her eyes on my mouth. "I've agreed to suffer through a date and I think I've been patient enough."

"You have been . . . patient," I agree, allowing my forehead to rest against hers for a moment. The thought that I could kiss her now is frightening. Knowing that she wants me to; even more so. I pull back, the coward that I am. She allows me to lead her off the rink this time.

We find a seat, presumably to remove our skates, but we just sit there.

To say my time in Alternate Universe Earth doesn't still plague me would be a lie. Even now, as Vala holds my gaze, I feel fear. Fear that she'll reject me. That'll she'll look at me with those cold eyes Their Vala had. Their Vala, locked away in Area 51, cold and bitter. How could I be so foolish? Me, Samantha Carter has fallen for an alien woman. How do I even know this isn't some con? That with Daniel being gone, I'm not some distraction until he returns?

I shut my eyes, confess, "Their Vala wasn't like you. She lost her will to fight."

Vala sighs, not because she's still impatient, but because she's exasperated. "I'm not her, Sam."

"I know," I say, reopening my eyes and smiling shyly. "Tonight proved that. I just needed a little reminder."

Vala's eyes seem to light up in amusement. "Out of all the Earth friends I've made here, you are the most frustrating."

I laugh. "Really? I would've thought Daniel would take that honor."

"One would think so," Vala agrees. She leans over to me, threatening to overtake me here and now.

Before she can kiss me, I manage to pull back, only a little. I tell her, my breathing not so surprisingly ragged. "Wait. Not here."

Vala tilts her head curiously, inquires, "Then where?"

"Just, not here," I repeat.

"This is about your planet's taboos, is it not?" Vala's palm cups my cheek, turns my head until I'm forced to look at her. She corrects me, "Yes, here."

I go to protest, almost beg her not to do this. It's just, I never really had a choice in all this. I think I'm beginning to understand that now. Vala didn't force me into this. I _wanted_ to be here. I really, really wanted to be here. Here, where for a little while I don't have to think about my rank, or my job, or what Cameron will do when he finds out that this is so much more than any of us could have conceived.

Vala is still cupping my face, both hands now and she pulls me toward her, bringing our lips together. She's much gentler than I expected her to be, but maybe she knows I can only handle this, that I need time to process what's happening here, what's happening to me.

She pulls away, fingers now tracing my jaw line. She hums with what I perceive as delight and her touch is downright magnetic. This desire, this brazen affection she's shown toward me, I can't remember the last person to affect me in this way. I'm not sure anyone ever has. I fight the urge to recapture that mouth with mine own, smiling weakly at her.

"We should get back," I say. It's the way I've always operated. When something feels this good, it's bound to go horribly wrong. It's time to retreat for a moment, regroup. I manage to lean back out of her grasp and tug at the laces of my skates. "It's late and we have to report early."

"Hmm, that's too bad," Vala quips, now removing her skates as well.

I know I shouldn't ask, but I do. "Too bad? Why?"

Vala shrugs. "I was just beginning to see the real Samantha Carter. I might have even convinced her to join me in my bed tonight, had she not pulled away."

Words tumble out of my mouth before I can stop them. "I didn't say the night was over. It's just getting late." She arches an eyebrow at me, rather seductively, I might add. Quickly, I amend, "'Sides, you're lucky you got a kiss out of me at all. I don't usually kiss on the first date."

"Wait? This was a _first_ date?" Vala says incredulously. "You mean to tell me that you Earthlings go through this ritual more than once?"

"I thought we covered this?"

"I thought you were joking!"

I smile apologetically, rise from my seat and head for the counter to return my skates. Vala sidles up next to me, setting her skates next to mine. She leans into me, promises, "You may not want to admit this, but you like me. You _want_ me. You won't hold out much longer."

"You think you know me?" I challenge her, my tone more playful then I intended.

Vala smirks. "It's as you said. The night isn't over."

The heat in her stare almost burns. I concentrate on paying for our rentals and gathering up our shoes, trying my best to ignore Vala's wandering hand along my lower back.


	13. The Shroud

Author's Note: Thanks for the follows, favs and reviews. Much appreciated. I think I'm uploading a "twofer". Not so much Vala in this first (and long) update, but a little bit more in the next. Enjoy and thanks again.

Summary: For when she's this vulnerable and this open, I see her for who she really is and I sympathize. I sympathize and hate myself for liking her as much as I do. [Sam/Vala friendship; eventual Sam/Vala; spoilers for all of season 10]

**Tumble and Fall**

by e-dog

**14. The Shroud: Defining Moments**

Daniel is back in his bed, sleeping. Still adorning hospital garb and ignoring the tray of bland food next to him. He finally appears to be at peace. I've been sitting by his side for the last half hour, trying to find a reason to be sitting here so diligently. He's not hurt, badly. We've been told he just needs to rest from whatever transformation his body went through, but nevertheless, I feel I should sit here. I need to be here for my friend.

"You know, if I were in a coma, you'd be really bad at this."

My head snaps up, a nervy grin forms on my lips. Daniel is awake. Probably has been ever since I walked in. I say softly, "I'd be really bad at 'this'?"

"Talking," Daniel explains, opening his eyes now. He looks at me, humor gracing his features for the first time in a long time. "You're supposed to talk to coma patients. The idea being that they can hear you. That your voice brings them back."

"You're not in a coma," I counter playfully.

"If I were in a coma, you'd be really bad at this," he says again. We both chuckle lightly, our friendly banter easily returning. He holds out his hand, beckoning I take hold. So I do, tightening my fingers around his. Gently, he observes, "I know my super awesome Ori powers are gone, but I don't need those to know something is wrong."

"Wrong?" I repeat, not sure what he means.

"Yeah," he says. "I don't know what's bothering you, but you seem. . .pensive."

Daniel Jackson: Master at picking up on my moods.

"Well," I begin, adverting my eyes away. "Let's just say, I've had quite an adventure since you disappeared."

Daniel smiles. "Are you saying my ordeal wouldn't compare?"

"No, Daniel! God, that's not what I meant. . ."

"Sam, it's okay! I was joking," Daniel cuts me off. He squeezes my fingers for emphasis and insists, "I was joking. Obviously, you've been through a tough time. All of you have. I'm sorry I was the cause for some of it."

"Daniel," I tell him. "Don't be sorry."

"Still, I am sorry," he repeats, his eyes reflecting his remorse. "I just wanted to help."

"You did," I remind him. "You did what you could under the circumstances."

"Yeah, I guess," he says, forcing a smile at me. He lets go of my hand, sits up a little straighter. He folds his arms across his chest, squints at me as if he's ready to analyze the latest batch of archeological evidence concerning the Ancients and their wizardry. He coaxes, "Talk to me, Sam. What adventures have spurned this contemplative state you're in?"

I open my mouth slightly, but have trouble figuring out where to start. My Alternate Universe trip would probably be the most amusing, but that event alone doesn't cover all that ails me. Being attacked by the Ori on a peaceful planet and nearly dying might be too depressing. Then, of course, there's all that's happened with Vala. . .

"Well, I nearly died," I start bluntly. Daniel's eyebrows nearly shoot up and off his forehead. I realize how forthright that sounded and try to laugh it off. "Well, I didn't nearly _die_. . .I just, well, I was hit with an Ori staff weapon and. . ."

"Sam, that's serious," Daniel cuts me off, his voice low and concerned.

"It wasn't so bad. I've seen worse, I've _been through _worse" I say, still attempting to show indifference to the whole ordeal. "I had Teal'c and Cam. And Vala. They took care of me."

Daniel's face falls a little. "I wish I could've been there for you."

Damn it. I knew talking about my near death experience would be iffy, at best. I wouldn't have necessarily blurted that out, however, had I not been so afraid of what he would think of Vala. . .and the time we've shared in his absence.

I don't know why I feel as if I'm betraying his trust. He and Vala were never together. They _never_ were and yet sometimes, I think he would hate me for getting so close to her. Daniel and Vala have this bond that no one can touch; that I feel shouldn't be tampered with.

Maybe I should try the Alternate Universe story instead.

"I accidentally sent myself to an alternate Earth," I tell him, not ashamed at the bit of pride that shines through in my statement. I like to think of myself as a genius, sure, but even geniuses get lucky. Or unlucky, depending how one looks at it.

"An alternate Earth? Okay, that's interesting. Sounds like I've heard this story before, though," Daniel teases me.

"Oh no, this isn't like anything we've dealt with before, trust me," I assure him, grinning. He chuckles now; I'm sure remembering his trip to an alternate version of us. He literally predicted our demise, saved us from destruction in our infancy at the Stargate Program.

I chuckle with him, sigh happily when the laughter fades. This is good. We can joke about our random happenings. We can relate our different experiences, try to find the humor in them because honestly? Our lives are just _not normal _and if we don't laugh on occasion, we'll go crazy.

We are crazy.

"I sense it wasn't all fun and games," Daniel deduces. "These alternate universes tend to follow the same trend, don't they? They show a darker side of ourselves?"

I nod in accord. "Yeah." I look down and away, suddenly. My thumbs twiddle and I feel worse now that I'm not saying anything about Vala. I'm not being honest and I know Daniel values honesty in his relationships.

Daniel and I have been friends for far too long. I can't imagine he would feel hurt or betrayed, but maybe I'm getting too far ahead of myself? Vala and I have yet to define what we are! I can't feel guilty about something that has no name. I don't even know what I mean to her, not really.

"Sam?"

I reluctantly look up; pray that my eyes don't give away my unease.

Daniel frowns some, his concern even more evident. "While both those events were probably horrific and unsettling, I know you. I know you bounce back from the toughest of circumstances stronger and better than ever before. Right now, you look exhausted. Not physically, but spiritually."

"Well, I was worried about you for the last month," I say, trying to convince him that I'm fine. Maybe if I'm earnest in my jesting, he'll leave it alone.

"I'm back," he argues with me gently. "Stop worrying."

"I am. I have stopped . . . worrying," I say, but even that sounds flat to my own ears.

"Then what is it?" he pushes.

In this moment, I feel I could spill everything. I could tell him that Vala drives me crazy. That she's bright, spontaneous, curious, thoughtful. That I like to hold her and that maybe, she likes to be held by me.

I could tell him that less than a year ago; I couldn't for the life of me understand what the hell he saw in Vala. Why did he trust her when he had every reason not to? I could tell him that I understand now. I understand how she gets under your skin, how she permeates your thoughts and soul.

In this moment, I could admit to him wholeheartedly that I like Vala. I really do like her. Hell, she told me I would and I didn't believe her. I should've believed her. How did she know?

In this moment, I feel I could recall every millisecond of time I spent with her. Spooning on the Odyssey. Her surprise kiss attack in a restaurant bathroom. Watching her fall asleep on my couch. Movie night with the boys. Our first date, leading to our first mutual kiss.

Daniel waits good-naturedly and I teeter on the edge of spilling all that's in me. He raises an eyebrow at me, the only indication that he's not as patient as he puts on.

"Daniel! Sam!"

I draw in a quick breath, eyes avert to the doorway. Vala and Cameron are there, smiling. They are completely unaware, have no idea what I almost allowed myself to do. I glance back at Daniel, who looks at me like the whole world is suddenly upside down. He's confused. He knows I was about to share something, something important.

I look at Vala and Cameron again. They walk in, chattering about dinner and how we could all eat in Daniel's hospital room together. Daniel smiles at them, but manages to eye me discreetly, trying to figure out what - or who- took the wind out of my sails.

"What do you say, Sam?" Vala asks me.

Again, I can't keep from peeking over at Daniel.

"You know what? I'm actually a bit tired," I say, feigning a yawn. I stand and apologize, "Enjoy dinner, guys."

"Okay," Cameron replies, drawing out the word. He's mirroring Daniel's expression now: bewilderment.

Vala either doesn't notice or chooses to ignore my unease, forcing Daniel to scoot over on his bed so she can cuddle up next to him.

I make a hasty escape.

* * *

I've always known that Vala has a thing for Daniel.

Maybe in the last few weeks, I could've been convinced that she didn't care for him in that way anymore, but doubt has reared its ugly head once again. Vala Mal Doran is a free spirit. Highly affectionate, not bashful when it comes to expressing her desire for anyone. She's nearly hit on every officer stationed at this base, but when it's Daniel. . .

He's back now. He's been through too much. Vala may irritate him, but they share something that keeps him grounded. He won't admit to that, but Vala has found a way to heal some old wounds. Daniel needs her. He needs her, but deep down I'm selfish. I'm really, really selfish and I think . . . I think I need her more.

There's a knock and I look up from my work. Daniel is leaning in the doorway, wearing a hospital robe now. His arms are folded across his chest, his gaze fixed on me as he stares over the rim of his glasses. His lips almost pout at me as he says, "You missed some wonderful dinner conversation."

"You should be resting," I say.

"I'm tired of resting," he jests mildly, finally taking the last few steps to completely enter my domain. He breathes in deeply, looks around the space nostalgically and then throws a smile my way. I can tell he's happy to be home, happy to be somewhere that's familiar. Silence settles between us, it's almost uncomfortable. I shift a little on my stool. He crosses his arms tighter. Finally, he says, "Why did you leave?"

"I had to work on something. In my lab," I lie. The lie is executed horribly, but I'm trying.

"It was more important than eating?" he asks inquisitively.

I chuckle. "Daniel. I've gone days without proper nourishment before. Especially over groundbreaking science."

"Sure, I know. I know," he admits. "I just wish you would talk to me. I want to know what's up because call me crazy, but the moment Vala and Cameron walked in, you looked as if someone kicked you in the stomach."

I grimace. Of course Cameron and Vala would do that to me. Cameron knows of my feelings for Vala. Vala maybe has feelings for me. Real feelings. Feelings I don't think I want to deal with yet. I don't want to talk to Daniel about it either. At least, not now.

"I'm sorry, Daniel. I can't talk . . . about this," I tell him, advert my eyes to something on my desk.

"This? Sam, I don't even know what we're _not_ talking about," Daniel says exasperated.

With a dark chuckle, I concede, "Look, the thing we're not talking about? This isn't something that just happens to me." Quietly, almost to myself, I add, "Stuff like this doesn't happen to me."

"Sam, please," Daniel begs. "I don't like seeing you like this."

"Like what?"

"Like you're broken, torn between two opposing forces. I'm here, I'm back. Talk to me," Daniel pushes. He even steps closer to me.

"Well, I can't talk to you. Not about this," I tell him. "I'm like a black sheep, Daniel. I don't just find someone who can force the breath out of me with one look. Who seemingly has the ability to predict my moves, know my moods, and confuse my heart. If that's ever happened, it's because I sought them out, not the other way around. And after all that searching, I came to see those people for who they were and not what I wanted them to be."

Daniel's brow furrows in thought. "Are you talking about someone I know?"

I shut my eyes, my hands involuntarily tightening into fists. With a deep breath, in and out, I reopen my eyes and say aloud, "I don't know what I'm doing, Daniel. There's just no way for you to see this from my perspective."

Daniel shrugs. "Try me."

I laugh lightly. Try? Do I seriously want to do this?

Yeah. I think I do. Daniel is my friend.

"Okay. I'm a middle aged, female, Air Force Colonel who has never shown any prior interest in women, has had numerous failed relationships with men (who are generally my senior) and has somehow managed to transform not only my sexuality overnight but my entire _being_ by falling for an alien woman who has literally traveled here from another _galaxy _controlled by tyrants bent on the destruction of the entire human race. Does that sum it up well enough for ya?"

Daniel's eyes widen to the size of saucers. It seems silly to notice that he's still in hospital garb and that his entire expression is utterly adorable despite the fact that whatever he says next could very well be the end of me.

"You've fallen for Vala?" he asks, a bit shocked.

"That's all you got out of that?" I ask incredulously.

"What did you want me to hear?" he says with just as much skepticism.

"I wanted you to hear that I'm confused!" I say. "Daniel, I just . . . I need. I . . . can't believe I just told you all of that. I shouldn't have said anything."

"No, no, no! Sam, please, don't feel guilty for speaking what's on your heart," Daniel coos, now grabbing me up in his arms. I rest my head on his shoulder, feel tears pricking at my eyes though I'm not sure why. "Sam, I'm sorry. You just spilled a lot of stuff there. I need time to catch up."

I continue to clutch Daniel to me. He holds on, mostly because I'm sure he doesn't know what to do next. Several moments pass before I feel strong enough to pull away. He reluctantly lets me go, keeps his warm eyes on me to make sure I've pulled myself together.

"So, this was the adventure you mentioned earlier?" Daniel asks gently.

"The other stuff happened too," I say, almost defensively. "I just...didn't know how to explain this."

"The relationships we share with others don't always have explanations, Sam," Daniel reminds me with a smile. "What we share with others, how we interact isn't an exact science. Don't look at this as some problem needing a solution."

"This is a problem, Daniel. We work together," I say.

"We're a team, I know," Daniel nods. "Doesn't mean you can't be happy."

I sigh; consider his soft features and welcoming expression. "You're not the least bit weirded out by this?"

"Oh, trust me. I think this is very weird and probably not for the reason you think," Daniel grins widely. "I mean, you've fallen for an alien from outer space. Totally cliché, of course, but I expected this kinda thing to happen with Jack, you know what I mean?"

My smile is unavoidable, my bashfulness soon follows suit. I fold my arms across my chest, an attempt to shrink away and hide. I scold lightly, "Don't joke about this."

"I'm not trying to," Daniel says apologetically. Then he shrugs and admits, "Well, maybe I am. A little, but Sam. I'm glad you told me."

"Really?"

"Yeah. What you've said now explains Vala's strange behavior at dinner," Daniel remarks, making his way out of my lab. I can't help but follow him, ask him what went on. He places a hand on my arm, gives it a comforting pat. "Every time I asked about you, Vala would change the subject. She seemed nervous about broaching any topics that involved you. I've never seen Vala like that."

Honestly, I'm not sure I've seen Vala like that either. She was nervous?

"All this time, I thought she was in love with me," Daniel muses thoughtfully.

I snap my eyes up to meet his now. I keep expecting to see hurt or pain, but I don't. I just see amusement. Curiosity. Confusion. Intrigue. All the things I wasn't really expecting because I never once considered that maybe Daniel really didn't fancy Vala quite like that.

"Daniel," I say timidly. "Vala and I are closer, yes, but love. . ."

"If it makes you feel any better, I think she's just as confused as you are," Daniel interrupts me.

"I'm not . . . I mean, she's not. . .," I stutter. I almost stamp my foot in frustration. "No one is in love with anybody here."

Daniel avoids my gaze for a moment, and then appears sheepish when he smiles up at me softly. "I don't know how to feel about this."

It's there this time. The twinge of regret mixed with a dash of fascination and something else I can't quite place. I can hear it this time, in his words. It would take another lifetime for Daniel to find love again, of this I'm sure, but I think Vala was at least a remote possibility.

"Just be honest with me," I say.

Daniel shakes his head. "Doesn't matter how I feel. Vala will pursue whomever she wants. I'm not sure either of us will have much say in the matter."

He's right. I never really had a choice in all this.

"Hey! So this is where you disappeared to!"

Daniel lets me go, turns to face the doorway. Vala is propped against the frame, eyeing us both curiously. She quirks an eyebrow, asks, "So, what are you two talking about?"

I glance at Daniel then, he adverts his gaze to meet mine. He shrugs, further emphasizing his complete lack of certainty in all this. I produce the best watery smile I can, before turning to her and saying honestly, "We were talking about you."

Vala's expression brightens up, surprisingly. "Me? Really? Good things I hope."

"Yeah, sure," Daniel says, his tone colored with irritation already. He mumbles about having to read some texts on something Ancient-like and walks away.

Vala turns to me. She wonders aloud, "Something I said?"

"Don't worry about it," I reply, watching as Daniel disappears down the corridor.


	14. Bounty

Summary: For when she's this vulnerable and this open, I see her for who she really is and I sympathize. I sympathize and hate myself for liking her as much as I do. [Sam/Vala friendship; eventual Sam/Vala; spoilers for all of season 10]

**Tumble and Fall**

by e-dog

**15. Bounty: Make Believe**

She's still wearing that ridiculous get-up.

With much amusement, I have watched Vala's wardrobe morph into a hilarious country babe stereotype. Funnily enough, it's not a far cry from her usual leather get-up. Still smoldering sex appeal just with softer edges.

If it weren't for the fact she was equal parts conniving and endearing, Landry would have probably ordered she change into our standard jumpsuits a long time ago. Honestly, I think he is trying to enjoy the eye candy for as long as he can. You know, before it becomes absurdly inappropriate. I mean, it's already absurdly inappropriate, but part of me doesn't blame him. I've been enjoying it too, but enough is enough. Walter has bumped into me twice, gawking at her. The second time he was carrying coffee.

_Hot_ coffee.

"I really don't see what the fuss is all about."

I sigh. "Of course you wouldn't."

"As long as I'm comfortable and happy, that's what should be most important," Vala says, shrugging at me. She's sitting on one of my lab tables, watching me scrub at the coffee that has splashed down my front. She swings her feet, giving me her "but I'm so cute and innocent" look.

I narrow my eyes. "Your tricks don't work on me. It's time to dress in regulation attire. _Now_."

I'm not sure why I even bother to give her orders. Vala is not US military, never will be. Out in the field, there's a 50/50 chance she'll follow orders. Here at the mountain? Forget about it.

Vala slides off the table, saunters up to me and takes the cloth out of my hand. "I think I know _something_ that will work on you." I feel her hand slide up my arm, the first bit of contact between us that I have allowed in days. I shut my eyes, momentarily. When her fingers graze my chin, I shy away quickly, as if burned. As much as I want her to hold me, I haven't been able to allow myself to enjoy it.

"I really don't understand you," Vala huffs, the hurt she feels palpable. "You've been distant and cold ever since Daniel returned. In fact, both of you have. He was off doing some bookish thing in a museum, you were off doing whatever it is you do."

"I was at a conference and you know that. Also, did I mention I was busy trying not to die?" I say, with my own little brand of sarcasm.

"I was forced to deal with Mitchell! _Mitchell!"_

"You begged him to go!" I point out, exasperated. "You _wanted_ to be his date."

"Because there was no one else, don't you see?" Vala nearly cries. "You left me, literally, with no choice. Since he wasn't smart enough to escape the base as soon as we got home, I tracked him down and pleaded for his company."

I sigh heavily. She makes a point. Daniel and I had barely set foot on Earth before we whisked ourselves away to occupy our hearts and minds with almost meaningless human matters. Little did Vala know I was going to give her more great news. Timidly, I say, "Speaking of escaping, you should know I'll be in Washington for a few days. Visiting a friend."

"Well, that's just grand!" Vala replies haughtily, arms waving about wildly. She goes to storm off, saying, "Have a great time."

"Vala, wait," I plead, reaching to grab her arm. Clasping at her flannel shirt, I say again, "Wait, please?"

She's pouting a little, but like a defiant child she folds her arms and faces me. "Go on, Samantha."

She doesn't understand, I muse to myself. She's never met Jack, doesn't know what I felt for him. He'll be in my heart, I know this. Will that be okay with her?

She's seen the tension between Daniel and I. Neither of us will admit that she is causing the tension, including Vala. Will she even acknowledge that she knows how much we both care about her? I don't like uncertainty and yet I'm drawn to the most undefined relationship I have ever been in. A relationship that seems to effect all my other relationships greatly. Vala doesn't grasp that. I don't know if I can help her to.

"Sam?" I hear her say softly, curious as to why I have been so quiet. Her arms begin to relax and that's when I reach out for her hand.

Her hand slips into mine, warm to the touch. I gently squeeze my fingers around hers, pull her up to me and into a hug. There's little resistance as she melts into me. I did miss this. I hope she can feel how much I missed hugging her, keeping her near me. I whisper, "I'm sorry I've been cold."

"And distant," she adds quietly.

I roll my eyes. "I'm sorry for that too."

"And for being a bitch."

"Hey!" I say, eyes going wide. I release her immediately, take a step back. Damn, have I really been that bad?

"Did I use the term wrong?" Vala queries.

"No," I say, then shake my head in frustration. "I mean, yes. . .you did. Wait. Vala, I just think that term is a bit harsh, don't you?"

"Perhaps, but I just need you to understand how much pain you have caused me," Vala nearly whimpers her explanation. "What I feel is unlike anything I have ever had the privilege to feel before. And it's _you_ making me feel this way, Sam. Now I must ask you, is this all in my head? Am I just crazy?"

"No," is my immediate answer. A murmur would probably be the most appropriate description. No, she's not crazy. She can't be, not if I feel the same crazy. It's only crazy if the person in question thinks they are alone in their convictions, but she's not. I'm not.

I step toward her once more. "Vala, this is such a new thing for me. And you are so . . ."

"Beautiful?" she fills in for me with a big toothy smile.

"Manipulative," I correct her with a grin of my own.

"Well, I guess I am that too."

"I'm sorry I mistook your advances as some sort of game. I was so caught up in my head, I forgot that you were probably just as confused as me. I should've considered that maybe we were both on the same page, we just didn't know how to clue each other in."

"Apology accepted," Vala says chirpily. "Are we dating again?"

"Not so fast, little lady," I say, holding up a hand. "Did it ever occur to you that when I found out you were with Mitchell and pretending to be his girlfriend, no less, that it may have upset me?"

Vala frowns. "No, perhaps not. I guess this is starting to make the whole situation with Daniel a bit clearer as well."

"Yeah," I sigh. "Daniel and I talked about you. Not just you. I mean, we talked about you and me, together. Daniel is saying he doesn't care . . ."

"But you suspect otherwise," Vala concludes. With a very comically thoughtful expression, she adds, "I presume it doesn't help much that I dry hump him on a daily basis in the briefing room either."

"No, it doesn't," I agree.

"Alright," Vala says resolutely. "I'll do my best to keep my hands on you and only you."

I smile, despite myself. "And I will try to be more forgiving."

Vala smiles back. With sure intentions, she grabs the collar of my uniform and pulls me into a searing kiss. It's hot, full of passion and over far faster than I want it to be. She keeps her lips dangerously close to mine and says huskily, "Just don't want you to forget what you're coming back home to, darling."

She gently pushes me away, shoots me a wink as she exits my lab. I feel the goofy grin spreading across my face before I can stop it.


	15. Bad Guys

Author's Note: Haha! I finally updated! I hope it's sufficient. Also, took a suggestion to change the rating. Thanks Breezy. I'm not sure why I had it sitting at K+, but I did start this eons ago and the tone has probably changed since then.

Summary: For when she's this vulnerable and this open, I see her for who she really is and I sympathize. I sympathize and hate myself for liking her as much as I do. [Sam/Vala friendship; eventual Sam/Vala; spoilers for all of season 10]

**Tumble and Fall**

by e-dog

**16. Bad Guys: Welcome Home**

I know something is amiss before I lay a hand on the doorknob leading to my quarters.

I stand in the doorway somewhere between amused and terrified, watching light dance off the walls, the source being the various candles lit around my bunk space. Washington was a total bore and being back on base is always a comfort to me, but I usually don't come home to much of anything other than a few hearty slaps on the back from Mitchell, an imperceptible nod from Teal'c and a warm smile from Daniel. Lit candles in my quarters? That's just weird.

As with most trips, I find myself making a pit stop at the mountain before actually returning to my very empty house. There are debriefings and paperwork and other tedious things that have to be tended to and by the time I get through with all that, I'm too tired to actually return home. Crashing on base is usually what I decide to do.

So upon approaching my doorway, it finally occurred to me that I had not seen or heard Vala in the entire three hours and twenty seven minutes that I had been back on base. And that was troubling. Seriously. She has this Sam Radar and knows where I am before I even realize where I am.

This is why I knew something was up before I opened my door. I'm almost certain she's the reason my quarters are semi-dark, swathed in candlelight and smelling of frankincense.

"Well don't just stand there," I hear her say. My eyes dart to my cot. She's laid out on her back, eyes closed and thankfully fully dressed in our standard BDUs. Any terrifying thoughts of this being some welcome home seduction evaporate quickly before another terrifying thought swoops in and proclaims that this is just a ruse. Just because Vala Mal Doran isn't wearing leather doesn't mean she won't get wild.

"Uh," I say, being ever so eloquent.

"Isn't it relaxing?" Vala muses aloud, her eyes fluttering open finally and gazing at me. My feet propel me forward, answering some unspoken call and in the next few seconds, I'm lying down next to her. I take in a deep breath. I hear her sigh. "See? Relaxing."

It is relaxing. Yet still troubling.

"Okay, what do you want?" I say knowingly, turning my head to meet her eyes. She looks at me as if I'm crazy to ask such a thing. So I roll my eyes. "As _relaxing_ as this all is, this isn't you. So, what do you want? Why are there candles lit all over my room? And most importantly, why are you in here?"

Vala pouts. "I thought you might be happy to see me."

I sit up a little, use my elbows for leverage. On any other day, I might let that pout get to me. I know I promised her I would be less cold, more open. However, I now know enough about this con artist to know when she's about to play me. With a raised eyebrow, I push, "And?"

"And I have a small favor," Vala finally concedes. At my groan, she insists, "It's nothing unsavory! I promise!"

"Okay, okay," I say with a smile. I can't help smiling around her, it seems. Even if the prospect of Vala pulling a stunt is unsettling, predictably, I also find it comforting.

"I know your world has museums."

I crook an eyebrow upward. "Yes, we do."

"Last mission has inspired me," she shrugs. "Let's go to one. I want to see what your world values."

I laugh lightly. It was only a week ago she was whining because Daniel left her alone on base to study in a museum, but I decide to keep that comment to myself. Instead, I jest, "No, you want to test our security systems."

She grins wickedly. "Maybe." Then she deftly rolls her body on top of mine, her hands beside my head and her hair falling like a curtain around me. "Or maybe I know you would enjoy such a bookish thing and we could go to one together. Another date, perhaps?"

It's odd to think that Vala would know what I would enjoy. Or maybe it's nice to know that she thinks about what I like versus what she would like me to do for her. On the other hand, I have to admit, I like where we are right now. I'm nervous as hell.

"Vala?"

"Hmm?" she purrs.

I swallow hard. "Um, can I sit up?"

Her expression falls some. "You really are the most difficult being I have ever tried to seduce."

"Oh, trust me. It's working," I laugh, as she allows me to sit up. She still straddles my legs as she leans back on her palms now. Her chest rises and falls with an even rhythm and she really is sex personified. The next thing I say I know will be a mood killer. "I saw Jack."

Vala groans now, before swinging her leg over and off me. She's standing next to my cot, hands on her hips and sporting a glare that could melt polar ice caps. "Really, Sam?"

"Wait, hear me out," I plead. I swing my legs over the side of the bed now to face her. "I'm telling you this because I need you to know. I want you to know that we're friends."

"You and Jack?" she asks for clarification.

I nod with a softer smile. "Yes. Just friends. I saw him in person because it didn't feel right saying something like that over the phone." It takes her a moment, but the realization of what I'm trying to convey dawns on her. Her lips are slowly morphing from an injurious frown to a pleased grin. I stand to my feet and stamp down my nerves enough to pull her into my arms. "I don't do this very well, Vala. If you can be patient a little while longer . . ."

"Darling, please. You talk too much."

She quickly captures my mouth in a kiss. She's right. Clearly, I could be doing things other than talking.

When the kiss ends, our foreheads meet and I grin so wide, it almost hurts. Vala waggles her eyebrows. "Welcome home, Sam."

"Hmm, thank you," I say, before planting a light kiss on her lips. "And you don't have to seduce me, Vala."

"You like me," Vala states confidently.

Yes, I do. I really, really do. Just like she said I would all along.


End file.
